Consumer Bazooka

Hello

2011-10-08T20:51:00.000-04:00

Hi.
A lot has happened.
I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant. Happy about that. Going through life with a newfound joy. That's good too.

Two days ago, I had a "bottom pulled from beneath me" moment.
On Facebook, I had a Christian call me unbeliever because I responded with how someone who was not a Christian might respond to something they posted. Mostly, if someone were to make a statement about Christianity that was not well, true, I would hope that someone would step up and correct that. For me, if someone were to say something untrue when I know it's not the truth, I can't just allow that to keep being said. There is no disrespect, more of a "Let's not spread lies about things". IF I were to say "White people have no idea what suffering is" I would hope you would correct me and not have me believe a lie, especially something that isn't true.
Anyways, this person said "based on your comment, I can't say that you are a real christian, or my sister in Christ". How they got that from me, I don't know. But those words hurt deep. I know that people do not believe in God. No where in the Bible are we told to "Force" someone to get saved. God gave his gift to those who wanted it. Forcing anyone to do something against their will is not Christ like behavior. To be called "Not a real CHristian" for understanding that, well, yep..
It took me a bit to even talk to my own husband about that hurt that gave me. But I prayed to God, asking for comfort and forgiveness, for me to forgive someone who hurt me. Yes. I do forgive people. I don't want to hold on to hurt.

I suppose there is something else on my heart. I don't go into the chatroom of the CBC online much anymore. I feel sort of welcomed there, but there's no interaction outside of the chatroom. I was added by people from the chat on FB, but after some Hi's.. not much. I don't feel very welcomed.. so for now.. maybe I will just watch the messages without the chat. I want to be around other Christians, but other CHristians don't make me feel like I'm wanted. I don't only post repost from other christian sites. I don't only post scripture. I don't only post fluffy "Everything is fine" posts on FB. I don't want to be a "Good" christian. I want to be an HONEST christian, acknowledge that accepting God doesn't mean everything will ALWAYS be perfect, or that people who don't believe are of the devil, or that I can only show love, respect, kindness, happiness, joy, peace with christians. In fact, I'm suppose to do that to EVERYONE. I sit here alone a lot.. and it hurts sometimes. This is me being honest.

howdy

2011-08-02T20:15:00.000-04:00

Hi.
I know. I don't update. I sort of hate blogging now. All these social networks, where people are just like.. "i need to have 5 social sites that all do that same thing!"... gah..

I'm back to eating whatever is cheap now. Just made a angel hair dish, with various veggies and an egg. I think it's under a dollar. Go me.

So i was reading some frugal stuff and noticed a trend. The people who were frugal still had a lot of the designer clothes, name brand items, things that they got for "being frugal" but the mindset that they NEEDED to have these things was still there. I think that's a problem, in a way. It still promotes the ideal that you still need to have these things to show the world, aka keeping up with the neighbors. I mean.. when people say " I have a closet full of designer clothes and shoes and only paid like %80 less for them", I always wonder it is really that important to have a closet full of designer clothes and shoes? Or have the luxury vehicle?
Question.
In order for a lot of these frugal endeavors to take place, there must be people who are still willing to be spenders, spend a bunch of cash on things, to fill up the thrift stores with their cast offs, to bring the cost down. So, I suppose if you think about it, you WANT people to be wasteful so you can clean up on it. Sounds kind of selfish. You need people to be the "negative" so you can be the positive. Thinking that way makes frugality kind of look.... bad. But I know that it has it's good. I just like to think about it all, not just one side of it. I think the same with dumpster diving. Harder to do (maybe) when you realize that in order for you to keep doing it, people HAVE to be wasteful and if you really do care, then you should understand that, instead of making websites on how you plan on doing that forever. Doesn't seem like people REALLY want people to change, not if it means getting it for free or "cheaper".

I know.. totally making people think.. such a bad idea in America. :)

"So what do you do then?"
Me? Well, almost the same thing peeps did in the Great Depression. I wear clothes out until they are literally rags (not name brand cause I could care less of what you think of my clothes). When I'm home, I'm normally not wearing much in the way of clothes. I think I own 4 pairs of jeans. Shirts.. about 5-7. Shoes, barefoot as much as possible, sandals when needed, and a pair of boots for winter. Food.. cheap, not as much as we eat in America. Activities. Library, chilling outside, talking, aimless walking, randomly talking to strangers, whatever really. We have no car, so that frees up a lot of cash. There's a lot that I do.. I just think about these things and how they effect us in the short and long term.
besides, I feel it awfully weird to be frugal, but charge people to learn how to be "cheap". Oh yeah.. I do that a lot.. just help people with no intent to make cash off them. That's just me though. I hardly expect people to do that. These are what I do..

I will probably start posting more.. depending.. i forgot I have a blog..

hi again

2011-06-17T16:08:00.000-04:00

Been just a bit.
California was interesting. Had some fun, some laughs, some serious moments
but overall.. not such a bad trip. Trying to deal with some things that I'm not sure
will ever be dealt with, but leaving it in God's hands.

Been getting lots of rain lately. Good for the land. We had some near 100 degrees days and the plants were getting scorched, not to mention the people. I wish I could send some of this rain to the south and southwest where it is needed. I'm praying for you guys though

cleaning.. yes.. cleaning. I really want to open these spaces. I got the most clearest thought of being there for other people, helping out people with no question asked, assisting those who need whatever it is they need, whether it be through food, shelter, friendship, etc. We live in a world of "Me first, you whenever I get around to it" and the world doesn't seem to be doing the best it could be. Think about how different it could be if people said "Let me help you" before anything else. Showed love to people. If that were to happen, how could be cause harm to someone else? If you love someone, it's kind of hard to hurt them (unless they try to use love to justify hurting someone, which gets all weird and complicated..gah).

As I write this, the sun is coming out once again (yah!)
tomorrow, the man and I have invited people over to just have fun.. but I don't know how that will go. Ever since we really accepted our faith in God. we seemed to have lost all our friends. So I[m praying for at least one person to stop by. If not, then we'll have fun ourselves :)

Wiping the dust off the feet

2011-05-30T00:20:00.000-04:00

Sometimes that's what we have to do, what Jesus told his disciples to do if they were not welcome.
We can also use for when things happen to us, things that we hold on to that may hurt us, things we carry with us...

Sharing..

My father was not around much. Because I'm the youngest of my parents, I felt the most hurt. I felt I was the divorce baby. My father never came to see me. I always went to see him. He made no effort to come to me. That hurt, hurt so much as I thought about it. As I got older, the visits were less, the phones were less to the point of well, nothing.
Nothing.
That word hurts.

Today.. Andrew ask me if I had any words that I needed to say to my father. It broke me. The hurt, the frustration, the feelings of rejection, the abandonment, all of it flowed from me. I'm 28 years old and I barely know who gave me half my genes, a history that I don't know, family members I may never meet, wondering just who I am. All of these connect with one person that I can't even make call me.. you know.. just to see how I am, what I'm thinking, what I'm going through. Just make one effort, that's all I ask, just one time.
I don't cry like that very often, you know that, from deep inside, almost primal cry. The feelings go deep.

But as Andrew wrapped his arms around me and the thoughts pass through my brain, I closed my eyes and said "God, I can't keep holding this inside me. Take it please. I can't carry it anymore. I don't want to be held back by anger or pain. I need to forgive and release the hurt inside me. Please, God, just take it off my shoulders"

I kid you not. My heart stopped racing. The tears stopped flowing. I felt so calm. It was scary.
for 28 years I was holding onto that pain. I can't believe it. I was dragging myself around with that much of a burden.

I was keeping something inside me that was hurting me. I was "keeping the dust" of pain, rejection and abandonment on my feet as I walked through life. I let it stay and it made the walk that more difficult. It was time to let go. God doesn't want us to carry a burden. We are his children. He wants the best for us. He is strong, stronger than we are. There's nothing he can't do.

Thank you God for taking the burden and telling me it was gonna be alright. Even if I did not feel love from my earthly father, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that YOU love me and you will never leave me nor forsake me. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not a disappointment, not someone to be ashamed of, not a waste of space.

Thank you

lalala

2011-05-27T21:41:00.000-04:00

Feeling much better.

It was pretty hot out there. I didn't get a chance to work outside like I wanted
too hot.. oh well. I can do it later.

Getting geared up for California. Nervous about the flight.. but you know, I'll be with my hubby. I'm sure he'll make sure the flight worthwhile.

ahh.. not much to say right now.

another late night

2011-05-27T01:37:00.000-04:00

I should be sleeping. I will be soon

If you read my past entries and find words offensive to you, or
ideas that might not sit well with you, I apologize in advance for offending you. I ask you will forgive me for the offensive, but understand that that was still me. That's how I felt during that time. I don't feel the need to delete them, but to portray an honest view and to also let anyone who may read this to understand that yes, Christians can go through some things, can stumble, can be, what's the word.. HUMAN. I'm a sinner saved by grace. I'm not perfect, nor do I desire to. I'll be perfect when God calls me home.

My recent status
"My grandma once said to me "Don't question how some people are used by God. You might not understand or agree with what they are doing, but if it's for God, no need to stress" (something along those lines). Being a "believer in Black" I understand what she means more than ever now."

What I mean. Being a Christian Goth is not exactly easy. Not because of the Goth part, not because of the Christian part, but because you get a lot of opposition. You get a lot of people telling you that you CAN'T. God's gift of salvation is available to EVERYONE. There is no dress code, no hobby list, no interest list, no style preference that excludes you from God. Regardless, you still get the people who jump down your throat over things that shouldn't really matter in the scheme of things.
A long while ago, I voiced some "complaints" around my Grandmother, who said the above. Now, being in my walk and seeing that people are "complaining" about how I look to them, rather than praising and helping me along my path. I understand now that God uses different people in different ways. He knows what he's doing and we should "get that". But we are human after all and we don't always get it.
I'm learning to see that from the other side, towards people who's way of walking with God is different than mine. Regardless of how they treat me, that doesn't make it right for me to criticize their walk. So, instead I praise God for them and help them on THEIR walk. Not so hard, eh?

So.. in the morning. when I wake up (at 9), after listening to Pastor Bob (SanctuaryInternational.com, check them out) 3 minute devotional and doing my own reading devotional, I'll probably spend some time outside, get even MORE sun on me.. (Gah suntan) and start working on the front yard. Eventually I'll take some photos.

another wondrous day

2011-05-25T21:36:00.000-04:00

Hi
it's around 9:07pm here in Wilmington.
Got up early.. around 9. This seems to be my "normal" wake up time these days.
I'm getting better on using the rainwater for the garden. I hope to be using rainwater for my craft projects, you know for cleaning and for mixing to make paper mache, things like that. It's pretty awesome to know that little by little, the changes are being made.
I've been delaying the master bedroom clean up. I know, I know. Need to get that done. But I'm praying to have to cleaned up and at least donation boxed up by the time we go to California.
oh yeah.. California.
Next week, my first time, leaving the East Coast. I will admit, I'm a bit worried. I'm not used to planes, but I also feel that God is letting me know that if I still have any "issues" with his family, that NOW is the time to address the issue. And I'm a bit worried about it, not because I'm afraid to say anything, (definitely not that) but what COULD arise. But you know what? God will not lead me into something he won't lead me out of. Who knows? I mean, we're not like enemies or anything. It's small things that can still jab and I don't want to have those. I forgive, but I can't say that I ever address the issue with them, so I think this is the time.

I felt better today. I was listening to sermon podcast today and the Romans 14 sermon came up, labeled "The Dangers of Criticism" If you don't know, Romans 14, in a nutshell, talks about how people may "walk" differently with God. What some people do with Christianity is turn it into a legalistic religion, making a list of rules and regulations that they believe makes their walk "more holy". Similar to how the Jews had their way. Now when Jesus came along, he pretty much broke a lot of the established rules. He talked to women, foreign women at that, he went with the "unholy". He dared to teach to women, things that the church was like "Whoa! You can't do that". But he was the Son of God. I think we can safely assume that he knew what he was doing. :)

We know Christians, who might say women can't wear pants, men can't have long hair, you can't listen to any rock or "heavy" music even if it's Christian, women can't speak, the list goes on. And for them, that is probably how they praise God and you know what, that's cool for them. Excellent. Praise God. Rock on.
however the issue is when people start saying to other people that "it's a sin unless you do what WE do" and to say this regardless of a person is praising God with what they do. If a christian hardcore band is praising God, singing to his greatness, raising their fists to Heaven and thanking God, you have people saying "No! You can't do that. That's a sin!".
What?
Seriously, people say that.

Now, I can't say what God says to your heart. I can't. I can say that when people say that over and over, it does cause ME to stumble because they make me feel as if I'm not "doing the right thing" for God, even if I feel in my heart that God is working in my life. They make ME feel condemn and dirty and cause a lot of grief in me.
But I know that God is working in me. He is not saying to me "You aren't doing the right thing. You HAVE to wear a long skirt and cut our your locks and listen only to hymns and.. so on". No. He's not.

Even Paul said something along the lines of "I'll act like the Jews when I'm around them and when I'm around the Gentiles, I will act like them, so long as what I do is not outside of God's will, in the hopes that I will win some over to the Lord". When he said don't cause another Christian to stumble, what he meant was if someone is so against something in their personal conviction, don't do it around them. He uses the meat and wine example. Sometimes he ate meat, sometimes he didn't eat meat, depending on who he was around. He does also if you have strong convictions, keep it between yourself and God. You know, don't go to someone's house who does things for God differently than you and demand that they do things your way and judge them for NOT doing things your way. That's just rude. You are in THEIR house. That's just disrespectful.

What I have found is that it's usually the people who come off with the "holier than thou" attitude. That's not cool. There's no need for it. God Loves us ALL. God made us so unique, with different skills, gifts, talents, likes, etc. Just because I wear jeans, it does NOT make God love me any less or hate me. I could care less what you wear honestly. All I care about is that love Jesus and if you don't, I still love ya and it would be super awesome if you could feel the love God has for you.

I'm a dreadlocked, dressed in black, tattooed, pierced, hardcore Child of God and he is using me to show the world his love. I have no hate for anyone who looks difference. God looks at our hearts. Are we praising God with all that we do? Then rock on!

spoo

2011-05-24T01:21:00.000-04:00

Been a busy day.
Have a couch surfer in my house right now. that's cool. it's been a while.

So...
helped out a bit with St Mark's Family Promise. It's where about 4 churches or so help out homeless families. The families spend time at different churches, sleep, get fed, things like that. The family gets help and the family stays together (which I feel is super important). There was one little girl there for a bit, then two more kids, a boy and girl came. So cute! All under 6. It was good to do this. These kids may not remember why they were there in the first place, but they will remember the love we gave them.. if nothing else. We got to play with them, help the one girl with her homework, even dabble in Scrabble. I'm going back on Wednesday..

in other news
"You dont offer your best efforts to people who won't appreciate it, to try to make happy people who don't want to be happy"
That is true. Sometimes, you try super hard. You try to be there for someone, you try to help them, but then you realize that it's not helping, the person is refusing to be happy, refusing to be helped. You can't keep wasting time and energy on a person who does that. Now what I mean is, if someone asks for your help, and you give it, like that, not you forcing your way into their life unasked. I have to deal with this. I get asked for help a lot and a lot of the times, it's like I'm hitting a brick wall. I offer my assistance, usually in the form of "Hey. if you need help, ask"
I have a lot to "unscramble" in my life, but through God I know I can make it, even excel. It's ain't easy, but it sure is worth it.

If you don't know...

2011-05-21T17:11:00.000-04:00

I used to be a cutter.
Yep.. those people who cut themselves, sometimes pretty deep, when they feel emotional pain or can't deal with the situation before them. Cutting is when you substitute one pain, one YOU create with the pain that maybe you didn't create, but you can control the pain, and temporarily, you forget about the pain inside. I have scars. You can see them on a warm day. Some you can't see. I'm not going to deny what I did. I'm not going to pretend that it never happen. It did and I deal with it. We all do things we're ashamed of. It makes us human.

I listened to this song for the first time a few days ago. Scary how this song is. The fan made video really showed how I felt about it. The video made be triggers to former or current cutters.
Demon Hunter (yes, they are Christian)- Thorn

Lyrics
Bitter thoughts became your every waking breath
Save the nights your hollow dreams revealed the sweet release of death
In your thoughts you played a symphony of self
But your soul had bled a darker song of close to nothing left

Oh, The deliverance of blade and flame, your love
And greater is the blood

(Chorus:)
You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns
You’ll find it in the veil of night where solitude is born
In the emptiness of broken flesh, at the mercy of the thorns

Every line a path into an empty heart
Where the words of now forgotten love fall silent in the dark

Oh, The deliverance of blade and flame, your love
And greater is the blood

(Chorus)

Sister, don’t you sleep through your own eulogy
Don’t sever what you are for what you couldn’t be

(Chorus)

If you really want to help someone in pain, DON'T jump down their throats. They need HELP, and sometimes that best form of help is to let them know you are there for them. Sometimes they need the reassurance, not your judgment. They might need a hug, or someone they can cry with. Most of all, they need LOVE, true, selfless LOVE.

Beautiful day

2011-05-21T14:06:00.000-04:00

Writing this at 1:45pm when I woke up all bright and early at 8am.

It's been raining for a few days.. so my fledgling garden/flowers are really getting some rain love. It looks great so far.
I've been trying to collect rainwater. It's not the easiest, at least for me. But I'm making it work.
so far.. just 3 55 gallon trashcans for now.. which you find out quickly.. it's overflows those cans.
Yesterday.. I stored up at least 8 gallons.. i know, not a lot, but I do what I can do. I think I have a few more glass jars I saved that I can use. But for now, I can use them to store some of the rainwater.
My plan..
to use only rainwater (or as much as possible) for everything non drinkable (for now until I can find a good, and practical way of purifying). So, gardening, cleaning, bathing, flushing a toilet, even art. I don't want to make it like some stunt, like a lot of people see sustainability but a real challenge since there are maybe 1-3 billion people live that way. In one toilet flush, we use more water than an average family in a 3rd world country use in a single day for all their needs. that's saying something. So.. reusing rainwater.. GREAT!
I don't have a time set for this. If possible I want to make it a permanent thing.

Excited because we're gonna be checking out the more contemporary service with a friend. She hasn't been to church in a while and we're all gonna go together. I'm excited. *spee face*

My life

2011-05-18T18:14:00.000-04:00

My life has changed.. in such a positive way.
For the very first time in my teen/adult life, I feel real happiness, real love from inside me. For the longest time I was not sure if what I felt was real. I tried for the longest time to feel it but I wasn't doing such a good job. I could always show other people love, but I can't say that I felt love for myself, which can really suck when your own husband tells you he loves you and you can't even accept it as that.
But me, I found my faith, through God. I was raised Christian, but I wasn't feeling the love.. at all.
I had so much hate in me, even with all the good things I was doing. Which made it begin to feel as if I wasn't doing anything at all. I should have been doing these things with love, not out of obligation.
Now.. you can't stop me! I really, really feel the love.
Now, it's not a life of sunshine, lollipop and rainbows. Most people throw off the faith when they deal with their first "after God" crisis. It's not easy. People began to hate you, people can poke at your beliefs, people can expect you to be perfect and then jump down your throat when you stumble. They criticize what you may wear, as if God made a particular dress code to follow him, they point out your every flaw, the seem to give you a list of do and don't and that just the Christians.. LOL.
Right now, I'm reading daily, going back to church and praying a lot more. I look at people and smile. I WANT to do all I can for people, and not for any gain. Even more than ever, I want to see people being fed, having clean water, clothes to wear, jobs. I want to see gardens in the pavement.
I don't believe in ramming beliefs down anyone's throat. As Christians, we're not suppose to. We're suppose to be ready with an answer if someone asked about the hope and love in our life, but with respect and courtesy. We're not suppose to tell other people that they HAVE to do things to get into Heaven. Good works, actions are the result of our faith. In other words, God wants us to show love to our fellow man, to live as such an awesome example of his love (love is mentions a LOT in the New Testament as the greatest commandment) that people can't help be go "Yo, man, you are blinding me. What's your secret?" Then you tell them, with respect and love and not to have them running for the hills with venomous judgment.
Oh and also.. sometimes (or a lot of times) people have physical needs that need to be met, like food, clothes, financial, shelter, counseling. Don't withhold God's love from them because you want to get them saved. That's not cool. Help them first. that's showing God's love. Besides, when Jesus healed people, he didn't demand that they be saved first. He healed them and then result of his love turned them towards God. See what I'm getting at?

:)

yah sporadic

2011-05-12T12:48:00.000-04:00

so.. yep.

The weather has been so awesome lately. Since our bedroom faces the east, I find myself getting up early because whammo bright sun in face. Living in the smallest room means the sun really fills up the room. So weird for me to get up at 9am or 10am, but having this place.. it makes up for it.
I'm gonna take more photos of the house and post them here. I wanted to wait a bit before I did so.

I'm gonna be open my home to people. I think it's part of what I want to do. So, been cleaning the extra rooms to make space for sleeping areas.

Oh. I turned the dining room into an art studio. It keeps people from having to run and up and down the stairs. I'll take photos of that as well.

I'm slowly turning the front yard into a sustainable space. It might take a bit, seeing as i'm pretty poor :) but I hold out hope that one day it'll be a bursting front yard of free food and amazing flowers and full of life.

I'm still deciding what to do with my back patio area..

Something to remember...

2011-04-26T11:05:00.000-04:00

His name is Bill. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years ofcollege. He is brilliant. Kind of esoteric and very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college. Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative church. They want to develop a ministry to the students, but are not sure how to go about it. One day Bill decides to go there. He walks in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has already started and so Bill starts down the aisle looking for a seat. The church is completely packed and he can't find a seat. By now people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says anything. Bill gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit and when he realizes there are no seats, he just squats down right on the carpet. (Although perfectly acceptable behavior at a college fellowship, trust me, this had never happened in this church before!) By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick. About this time, the minister realizes that from way at the back of the church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Bill. Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane and as he starts walking toward this boy, everyone is saying to themselves, You can't blame him for what he's going to do. How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor? It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy. The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes are focused on him. You can't even hear anyone breathing. The people are thinking. The minister can't even preach the sermon until the deacon does what he has to do. And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor. With great difficulty he lowers himself and sits down next to Bill and worships with him so he won't be alone. Everyone chokes up with emotion. When the minister gains control he says, "What I'm about to preach, you will never remember. What you have just seen, you will never forget. Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people will ever read." --author unknown

New Junk

2011-04-02T10:58:00.000-04:00

Hello!

Well, 2 weeks later (?), we are more comfortable in our new house. We're not completely set up, but instead just taking our time, not rushing, enjoying. I'm not used to running up and down stairs, so...

We use the smallest room (7ft by 7ft) for the bedroom. It's had just enough room for a fullsize bed and the two containers that make up my clothes/junk. There's also a closet. Yesterday I put up black sheets, fabrics, and a large tapestry to cover the walls and ceiling. It's a very, very nice and cozy nest. We aren't allowed anyone to go into that room, since it's where we sleep. I'm writing this on the door
"Unless you are married to or sprung from my loins, get out"
Simpsons have the greatest quotes ever.

The previous owner (a very, very nice older lady who actually updated and fixed just about everything int he house just prior to closing) left all the old windows, screens, extra paint in the house, which for me is GOLD! I won't have to go scavenging for glass or screens when I start doing bigger projects. *happy face*

I will take photos on Tuesday of the place, after we do the huge recycling/donations drop. By then everything should be photo ready.

oh and today I'm planting grapes, raspberries, blueberries and strawberries.

SPEE!

2011-03-24T16:47:00.000-04:00

So we moved on Monday!

so far, so good. It is so quiet at night. I'm not used to it yet..
Two walls in the house are painted a glorious black. oh so black..
My front door is red, now with black stripes up top.. and I haven't decided
on what to do with the lower half. I put up the black and silver wreath with raven on the front door and put up some of my JTHM records.

my studio is going to be.. fun. I didn't realize how much stuff I had, so that will take the longest. But I look forward to it.

gotta get back to work

Moving

2011-03-20T12:11:00.000-04:00

Moving day is tomorrow!

Lack of updates because of packing.. i have been doing some projects, mostly paper mache. I wanted to make something for the front door for move in day.

I'll have a ton more space for art.. well at least double the space. I'll have to get used to it.

sorry for such a short post. Gotta do last minute cleaning.

Suckage

2011-02-19T20:39:00.000-05:00

Isn't that just great? Not my car, but I was the passenger.
The windows around here have been blowing at 30-50MPH.. so boom trees are being knocked down.
The sun was bright and my friend could not see the tree right away. I did, screaming TREE! at the top of my lungs. He grabbed me and pushed me down and laid down on top. If we would have been any faster.. or just a bit faster, well.. let's just say this post would not exist.

Oh and the down power lines because of said tree didn't help.

And the people who just looked and walked away.. Thank you for not helping us. really. Awesome.

So.. very lucky I feel. My knee is banged up, but better than a busted face or no head. Now I have to sit still for a day or so. Sit still? Gah...

Nuka

2011-02-10T09:06:00.000-05:00

If you don't know it, I am absolutely in love with post apocalyptic themes, decor, clothes, jewelry, books, movies, games...
especially FALLOUT.

This is what happens when you don't sleep and wish your fallout 3 game was not broken.

yep. lots and lots of NUKA COLA bottlecaps. Currently working on a Nuka cola wooden box, some of the weapons, consumables and items. I have a busy few weeks ahead of me.

*spee*

The house inspection went surprising well. I found out that house is very soundproof, at least from the outside. You can hear sounds from the inside, but no big deal for me. We're looking at the beginning of March for everything to come together. I have about a million and one ideals. guess who will have a 9ft by 14ft studio?

I suppose I better sleep. It's 9am and I think I'm suppose to have people coming over in a few hours.

Soundproofing..?

2011-02-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

Been kind of stressed out lately. Been looking at soundproofing, noise control, things along that line.
Every where I look, it's "that's why you buy a house" blah blah blah nonsense.
1) Not everyone can afford a house. This is what's missing from the minds of people.
2) Having a house is not a 100% guarantee of no noise or complaints. If you really believe that, then please whatever drug you're taking to live that fantasy life, hand it over.

so with that said, it seemed to be a expensive job to soundproof a apartment, condo, townhomes, home. So after reading all this stuff and getting stressed over it, I realized something.

Not one person seemed to think "Hey, maybe we should really put for effort to make it mandatory for new places, specifically condos, apartment, townhomes, to be built with adequate materials, not cheap building practices". Most apartment dwellers are not allowed to make significant changes, HOA places certainly have to go through a lot of red tape to make changes. People sometimes pay upwards of $3000-$8000 to soundproof a poorly constructed building, and it seems a lot of these building are built within the last 5 years. Living where I am now, there have been a lot of new construction, and just by looking at it going up, you can totally tell it's being put up as fast as possible without regard to noise control. Residents of these buildings confirm that just days after moving in.
What slays me is that we go on and on about the American craftsmanship and how much better we are. Then why are we not making life just a bit better for people like us who can't afford to buy a house?
If cities are the way of the future (closer communities, vertical stacking of residences), wouldn't it be MUCH MUCH more effective to have well built solid building?
Or maybe it's just that they want people to buy something that should be part of a building. Would not surprise me.
I could understand if one wanted to build a separate studio space, something not required of all homes, but just an overall design for noise control. That would be EXCELLENT.

*destress*

most of my supplies are not packed up, meaning there isn't much I can do right now with art. I have been writing though..and a few new drawing. Working more around cyberpunk style. Kind of like this.

it's no secret about my cyberpunk love. I'm slowly learning the actual skills, but in the meanwhile, the art side explodes on a daily bases. It mixes in well with my post apocalyptic/dystopian love affair. I don't know what it is about me when it comes to them. Kind of a *spee* happy love moment for me.
Inspection in the townhouse is tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Bones and blood

2011-01-26T02:28:00.000-05:00

one of the many boxes I've been making. Resin is one of my new friends.
And blood. Can't forget blood.
oh also

Everyone likes coffins.. okay not everyone.

I'm slowly running out of art supplies, well things like resin/catalyst, watercolor, color. I'm going without art supplies. Shows how committed I am to getting a house.

so far. a bit of stress (no kidding right?), hopefully, by April 1st, we'll either be getting paperwork done, or even closer to house occupation. I do hold out hope for these things. *faery sprinkles*

Suppose to be having ex roommate and her friend come to Delaware this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. She's the most NOT normal Japanese girl ever. Seriously. Being so used to being around the "I'm so cute and shy" Japanese girls, meeting Sayuri was like "OMG you're cool". She brought me a coffin wallet and a skull head that stores your salt and pepper. It's kinda creepy in a way.. here's a pic

Creepy right?

ah.. Life has been so good lately, even with all this weird and stressful stuff happening.

~Lunar

Life as I know it.

2011-01-21T20:27:00.000-05:00

Last night, I started packing up our apartment.
Not because we got a new place or anything. But you know, just to
prepare ourselves for moving, also maybe to dabble a bit in being a bit more Zen like. Zen living does hold some appeal to me. The ideal of living strictly out of a backpack, or a box, with the ability to up and leave at a moment's notice, totally do able.
For a few years, before I got married, or even met RB, my family moved a lot not because we wanted to but because my family did not seem to have the foggiest notion of handling some money. While I may live low on the ladder, I'm not wasting cash on stupid items, like super cheap cars that break down within a few weeks, ghetto apartments that could be condemned by the state, overpriced food when the generic or even home grown could have worked. We secretly moved so many times, lived with relatives, and as I got older, living in vans or making people feel so bad about our situation that they were "forced" to let them live there. There was a HUGE reason why I moved out and got married so early. Even being poor (poorer then), my life was still better than the first 18 years of my life. I never wanted to not be responsible for what I did, to use "feel sorry for me" and make them do things for me, to think someone "owed" me something. *shudders at memories of past*

So, looking around the apartment, it's bare walls. It does look bigger in here, but bare walls? Not feeling it, but it's only temporary. Who knows? Maybe it'll grow on me. Still living off of whatever RB brings home. We ended up cashing in all the pennies (a total of $29.00 all together), got some meat (ground beef and chicken leg quarters). Still have a ton of rice, so things are cool. It might be another month or two before we move. Keeping up this rate, I'll be down 20 pounds or more, just in time for the nicer weather. Hey, when you don't have much cash, you really should focus more on healthier foods, not saying go super organic, because we see just how "affordable" it is, but rice and beans are cheap, frozen vegetables can be cheaply brought, cheap cuts of meat. Let's not forget the awesomeness of dumpster diving.

not so old photo of a common meal for me. dumpster bread, frozen veggies, whatever meat I have on hand (in this case I think it was pork.?) and spices with a soup base. Filling and super cheap.

It probably works for us because RB gets a meal at his job that he stretches out to cover his meal intake, well as much as he can. I kinda make it work for myself, trying to stay at only 2 meals a day, if that. I know if we had a kid, things would have to be worked differently. But growing up around so many families, I know it can work. I know we say kids must have everything and anything, and watching to see how those spoiled kids grew up with no concept of responsibility... LOL.

back to packing.
~Lunar

Food

2011-01-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

So, this morning, all early and stuff (9:30am) *grumbles*, while its raining and turning last night slow into weird ice sleet, we dump a bunch of pennies from our glass jar into a small container, taking it over to the bank coin machine and get back $15. Not bad, and we still have a lot of pennies left for when we need them again. A very mini shopping trip later, we now have added some supplies to our meager stash. Between the dollar store and the Chinese store, I think we can last a few more weeks on this.
a carton of eggs ($1.75), a box of baking mix ($1), a loaf of bread ($1), a can of frosting ($1.50, seeing how most awesome my cupcakes came out), 2 cans of cream of chicken ($1, each $2), a can of tomato sauce ($1), bag of meatballs ($1), loaf of garlic bread ($1) and from the Chinese place 2 packages of firm tofu ($1.29 each)
I have about 2.05 in change. Can use that if we need something. I know it doesn't look complete, but I did have some other stuff still on the shelves. I do know from past (many past) experiences that I could be totally bare on the shelf and still feed him and I for about the same amount of cash. The first nine months of marriage was like that. (and the first 19 years of my life)
Breakfast.. (lunch?) was tofu scramble on bread. When I do that, one package last me 5 days. And it holds me over until a later dinner. Today I told him I make some spaghetti and meatballs, hence the meatballs and garlic bread.

I've been going to bed early. don't know why. Maybe because it's been so cold around here. Curl up in bed with a bunch of pillows and blankets. Sigh.

oh, writing. yes I have been. I need to do something with all these stories on my computer.

*runs back to bed.

outside

2011-01-16T17:45:00.000-05:00

made my way outside. Sunday.. not a lot of people.
free wifi at panerea bread. It works well, especially when you don't buy
anything.
I've seriously have had zero cash for almost a month now.
so far so good. eating what's on the shelves makes for creative meals,
like Ramen veggie meat cheese surprise or tuna on bagels with cream cheese, which
is surprisingly good. really good. whenever I can, either through loose change
or dumpster diving again, I must do that. *gets hungry thinking about it*
I managed to clean a bit today, at least the table. I love my table.

totally blogging this older photo of my ex roommate. We always had conversations
in the bathroom. Best place.

Yah writing!

Dear God

2011-01-13T05:25:00.001-05:00

Please let one of these houses come through.
I don't like having to live in a building with
some weird drug addict trying to kick down his door at 4:30am
and the cops in this town turning a blind eye to the
privileged people, letting them get away with just
about anything. A bit more freedom would rule.
Thanks

saw some article on Yahoo about the final year of Brittney Murphy's life.
Seeing that she actually died of pneumonia, anemia and a toxic cocktail of prescription drugs made me stop and think. Severe anemia is what caused my near
fatal attack two year ago. healthy vegan eating with vitamins didn't' seem to be working for me. I know it works for a lot of people, not just everyone. For people to call me some sort of monster for not being a vegan just make me think they rather see me dead than to eat meat. That's a big weird one for me. It isn't like I'm gorging on meat. I just thrown some in with Ramen or pasta. But in this world, one must be a purist, or feel the need to have someone to look down on. Whatever. Do these people go to Eskimos and chastised them? Or to hunter gatherer tribes? These things keep me up at night. They really do.

Hi again

2011-01-13T01:07:00.000-05:00

I made a lot more changes in my life.
First, well, this.
2010 was a weird roller coaster for me.
10 people in a one year.. gone from this earth. 5 under 30.
Murder, Suicide, two overdose and accidental.
I'll be 30 in 2013. Will I make it that far?

I lost a number of friendships as well. One reason was simply a dietary change.
That's all. Because a doctor told me what my options were for improving
and extending my life and I followed through, I lost a good friend. And the callous way that it happened just made things even worse.
Others were lost as I did not try to "get ahead" so there I was weak and ignorant.

So I started 2011 with just a husband, no friends and a desire to live completely for me.
I still fully plan on being more sustainable, to continue with doing all that I can in this world, but first and foremost I have to look in the mirror at myself and do what I need to do for me, no matter the cost. If one is going to only accept me if I live/do what they want, I'm missing the point. I accept people are not perfect, far from it. I accept that people aren't always going to do what I want. But what I want, may not work for them and that's is more than okay. I accept people on their terms. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. No need to force a friendship.

For the past 13 days, I have been writing, spinning out art, living off a pretty much nothing but Ramen with meat/veggies, and sleeping. It has snowed a few times, the town is beginning to fill again and we are still looking at homes. I've been researching cheaper sustainable ways, only looking at ways that everyone, not just the rich and middle class can do. I'm checking out container gardening and rainwater on the cheap.

This blog, while still trying to provide free tips and the like, will also be able me, where I'm going, what I'm doing. In short, more personal to me. I want to post photos of things I'm working on, people in my life, everything and anything.
so things might change, get weird, get freaky. Who knows?
I've turned on the mature content thing because well, there's no hiding how I feel about being free in all kinds of ways.

Keep with ya
Lunar

Doobie doo

2010-11-02T15:07:00.002-04:00

Yes, so random of a title.

Spent the last month looking over sustainable sites, blogs, how to, videos, all that happiness. I think that's good for me, to see what I want and don't want to do, see how extreme I'm willing to go.

We've also looked at a few house. We may have found one that would be affordable, but you know how paperwork and cost just envelope these things, so it might be a while. It's a small house.. 2 bedroom, a kitchen, tiny bathroom and a living room. No basement, no stairs. The yard is decent sized and the previous owner turned the small porch into an extra living space, even if it's isn't really insulated (at least we think so). Most people are already trying to push us into a bigger house.
Why?
Why do we need some huge space? I don't want a huge space. I don't like a huge space. I like small.

It's also getting COLD here.. but I like the cold. Our apartment seems very poorly insulated, and poorly soundproofed.. and all around kinda crappy. Running the heat is a catch 22. Sure, it makes it warmer, but it also seem to run out of the many leaks and hidden cracks we can't find, resulting in ridiculously high bills we can't pay. So far, we have been just dressing warmer and being okay with that. at night, it's blanket city and body heat. We do try to capture as much solar heat as possible.

also.. a warm cup of tea or cocoa.. oh yeah..

Discussions

2010-10-01T22:29:00.002-04:00

Last night, RB and I watched No Impact Man and Skipping Waste. I wanted him to to see two extremes, usually through people who had the choice to do so. After each video, we discussed how we felt, what feels we had as we watched, anything really.
For both of us, we didn't like how they only saw it as maybe individual action, as if they doing what they did would really make the difference we need, but we were appreciative that they were doing something, so not sure if that cancel out the concern. In No Impact man, there was a part when the man helping him learn how to garden mention to his that he was most appreciative of what Colin was doing, but how he was doing it was not making a difference. Colin's wife worked for Business Week, a magazine that well, not only cuts down a million and one trees to make it, but also helps spread the very consumerist lifestyle that they were protesting against. It help spread the values that were damaging the planet. Not taking an elevator, not eating meat, or biking every where was not going to cancel out what her job did in a single day. Did we agree? On some level. He had a point, but still people should try to do as much as they can. He also said that the corporations were not threaten by him in the least, if they were, that he would NOT be getting the attention that he had been getting. For a lot of people, he simply came off as a crazy attention whore, just trying to get published. This wasn't a lifestyle change. This was just to see what he could do for a year. They were going back to some of the ways they had before, not all granted.
Skipping Waste, I can say that made RB more upset. People who seem to think they are changing the world by saying how happy they are that they got stuff for free from the garbage. They put out the idea that "lots of other people around the world did it" but the difference being that they dumpstered actual garbage, not just the extra some grocer tossed out. They didn't have the ability to get nearly fresh organic food they could thrive off of for days. They didn't have someone being okay with it, even offering the food to them. They faced a lot more obstacles just to have something in their stomach. However, free food is free food. It would have been even cooler if they had shown these people doing more, like gardening, composting, rainwater harvesting, going with a little electricity, and what not, but hey, every little bit helps, right?
Another thing that really set him off was the attitude that people who said anything negative or didn't just give them the food was "not cool". I really hate to come off this way, but sometimes some people who do work hard to produce the food might be just a bit more cautious about letting some 20 year old come up and almost expect to just be given the food. How does one know that they are not giving their extra food to people who do need it? I know of a few places that donate all extra food to food closets, homeless shelters, battered woman homes. I remember as a young child taking home bags of veggies/bread at the end of church to take home. And a lot of time, this food is behind the building on the deck or whatever, waiting to be picked up. Some hipster kids taking it because his crowd of friends rather pay for beer and weed, yes.. enough to make someone angry.
It used to be about supporting local markets. Now it's how much can I get without paying for it.
*rubs for head*

In other news, in 25 days, I'll be making my first trip out to the West Coast. I have never been before, so I'm a little nervous about it. Not knowing what to expect. Having to be around people who I still don't know the truth of who they really are. This is going to be one interesting trip.

Opening one's self

2010-09-28T20:03:00.003-04:00

I decided some time ago that I would open myself up to the Universe, to let it's words flow through me. By doing so, it would allow me to not worry so much about these things that have been affecting me so much.
I don't really call people that have proved time and time again that they are unreliable. I do not waste my time trying to make connections that were never met to connect in the first place.
I lost my computer for a bit due to weird things not working. during that time, I created so much. Now even with my computer back, I am still creating just as much. Only difference? I'm not spending my time with just anyone, but I'm leaving my true self for the world to see. (by losing my computer though, I did lose a massive amount of information, but working on trying to get that back)

winter is coming (yah). With winter come living much lower on the economic scale, which I am actually looking forward to. I want to be able to accomplish several goals during the long winter ahead.

*gets back to information very soon*

Too much?

2010-09-06T12:45:00.002-04:00

Scouring Youtube one day, I ended up watching a ton of videos on urban sustainability. Some good, some bad. and like all videos of doing something, tons of negative comments. I ignored the comments for the most part.

One video has me nodding in agreement. She was showing her meager home and talking about how sustainability has become a buzzword. I agreed. Also that people would talk about how much their alternative energy sources cost them but when you looked at what they had, they had ALL the latest toys, all electric appliances, 4,000 square feet homes, etc. Their lives has not changed in the least. All they did was simply change the source of the power, and with all they they wanted to hook up a $25,000-$40,000 initial hook up was needed.
Wow!
The funny part was that most of the people who had all these things, really had no
handicap need to use them all. Most were able bodied, fit people capable of using a little hand power to do a lot of the chores they expected their machines to do.
Even with a Delaware rebates, I couldn't afford to get a basic system. Right now, I have a small power pack that cost us maybe $120 (after the accident, we got some cash). It has a solar panel, an inverter, some LED lights on top and the ability for ac or dc or usb to be attached to it. I forgot the actual wattage.. maybe 400. It's meant to be used to out in the woods, or emergency power. It's a miniature compared to the systems that showed online.

Back to sustainability. It is a buzzword. Slap that word on something and you can expect it to be bought because of the green trend. Put organic on a sweater and even though someone doesn't need to buy it, they will. How sustainable is it to buy things you DON'T need?

Maybe I'm just weird. (wouldn't be too far off)

A month later

2010-09-06T12:36:00.003-04:00

So far, life has been much better.

I downsized a good chunk of this apartment. Now we have room again.
We even look at some cheap housing, but we still can't because we don't make enough on paper and I'm starting to assume that hey actually access your need to pay based on what they THINK you will spend on bills. Make any sense? No? Hmm. They asked us about monthly debt.. which is actually very low in american standards (Only 250 a month). Based on that and what they "expected" bills to be, we couldn't get this cheap housing with plenty of space for a forest garden/rainwater harvesting/etc because we would be paying too much in bills.

Does anyone ever take into consideration that some of us go out of our way to NOT spend a bunch of cash on bills? Who really wants a $300 electric bill? What if I used solar heating? I live in Delaware, where there are rebates out the whazu for alternative energy (something I'm okay with, but need a new post to talk about pros and cons). I don't spend 3-400 a month on food. I know with a house things may go up, but right now I live in an really horribly insulated apartment where I cannot "legally" do much about that myself. At least in this small home, I could have done a lot more to keep my place fully insulated and had more access to all the money saving ideals I want to try.

Life sucks sometimes. But you move on, right?

Haven't really been in contact with lots of people lately. I've been more upset with people "forgetting" to hang out or making excuses not to and then posting photos of what they did instead..and then straight up lie to me. I found myself actually being able to shrug that off and move on. I'm getting better. YAH GO ME!

I'm teetering so close on the edge of the cliff where I just jump off and be truly myself no matter how far out I seem.

Not too long

2010-08-08T06:35:00.003-04:00

I'm getting better at this random update thing. YAH!

So, hm, well, RB and I are alone in the apartment again. Life lessons learned and experienced. We would not mind living with other people, but..

we learned that it's HARD to live with other people who's quest for life means buying that latest toys, spending hours in the shower and frequently turning the AC on super cold or leaving 10 lights on at once.

While I love to make a difference in people's lives, I'm not going to force it. However, I don't like being preached to either. I don't like being "teased" in my own home about how money is no object to you, especially when your parents are the ones footing your bills. People seem to be okay with people flowing out cash but saving money? That's bad.

We seem to be better off with people who are "closer" to the same agenda to live with. It's less stressful and definitely less homicidal. It's hard to cut your cost on electricity when someone turns on the AC to full blast (when it's cheaper and much more fun to me almost naked/ douse in cold water/eating a refreshing slushie) or "hey, I'm sleeping. I need six lights on". AAHHH!

I'm back to the super cheap eating. I want to dumpster dive but it's still heavily patrolled. I'm still working on that no buying things. Actually, I've done pretty well with that. RB is a little more loose with that idea, but after the living with other people and seeing things up close and personal, he's definitely more on the "Yes, I want to buy less".

I'm almost afraid

2010-05-13T17:06:00.002-04:00

to go dumpster diving.
I am.
With how much it is broadcast and talked about, blogged about, it's almost insane how much security there is now, at least here. Patrols, cameras, watchmen.
All for something people considered "trash".

yes. It's not trash. We get that. But someone voluntarily throws it in a dumpster with the ideal in their brain that "This is trash, of no use to me".

Even the place where I used to get throwaways from are reselling the "damaged" goods, and when they can't sell them, are making sure you can't eat them once they finally rid themselves of them. I can't afford to buy from them, now I can't even get the stuff even they won't eat. I don't expect them to "owe" me anything, but it does help my arguments when so called eco frugal people talk about how affordable organics are, and how evil we are not to shop there.

But, that is life, eh?

In other news, I planted strawberries! I hope they come up. I have no backyard or anything, just a roof that faces the south. It's super hot, so we found a pallet to rest things on, also giving air circulation at the bottom. RB's tree seeds have been sprouting, Not sure what he will do with them, but i remain hopeful.

Funny/cool thing. I noticed that my compost was growing tomatoes. I suppose we ended up throwing in some seeds that spouted and the compost can was a great environment to grow them. Unfortunately, the heat killed it, but now, that I know, I can go back and try it again. After seeing that, I read that there are people who do that, grow veggies through their compost. How awesome is that?

Be back later with another post and adding the solar oven photos back to it's post.

I'm the opposite

2010-05-05T14:47:00.004-04:00

I realize that most people would rather be "frugal" than "cheap".

I think I'm the opposite. For me, the word frugal seems to be the fashionable people, the ones who do "frugal" stunts, ideals for a short time, write a book and get paid. They are the older group of 30-40 somethings who have "earned" the right to be frugal by having the job for so many years. Frugal is the buzzword, like green consumerism. The ones who look down at us poor folks who can't afford to local shops because it's priced above our reach, the ones who yell us for shopping at the dollar store to stretch out almost non existent budgets. Yes. I don't shop at Wal-Mart. Yes. I make the 6 miles walk/bike ride/ bus to the hispanic farmer's market, (which beats this local co-op near me by a mile. I rather be around them then the snobby yuppie rich folks who think we don't belong in their store). I don't like being called frugal.

Cheap.. well. Cheap was frugal. People would call anyone who acted "Frugal" cheap. People who wouldn't spend money were cheap, tightwad, cheapskate. People who reused things, did things that we call environmentally friendly were simply cheap people too stingy to spend money. Frugal can be spendthrift, as long as it's "green". I'd be willing to bet that buying a $60,000 "green" car would be frugal.

What about us, those who don't have the be frugal or not be frugal option? The ones who don't have a choice on whether to live on a dollar a day or spend $20 for a meal? We kept up the mantra of "eat local. Spend Local". What happens when local is more than we can afford? Then what? You say that all decisions affects the plant and humans alike. If so, then why are you at the second hand stores buying things when you can afford the more expensive local products? Why are you in the dumpster taking food when the family down the street is going to be hungry? Why are the programs that are set up to help the poor being shut down for lack of funds, when a middle class couple is getting tons of attention, book deals, media appearances for "doing something for the underprivileged" by going hungry for a week? Why are we "paying it forward" at Starbucks? What can WE as humans do for each other? How can we actually make things happen for US as people? If all our choices affect each other, then how to we make it so our actions are positive for all of us?

I'm slowly coming to terms that I do make a difference. That I do have the power inside me to do something, anything it all. It's a long, hard road, I know.

w00t

2010-05-05T14:41:00.003-04:00

I really have to update this. I really do.

So, I was reading through other more productive blogs when I ran across some "buy Nothing New for a year" types.
Sounds all well and good, right?

I'm actually making a attempt to buy nothing.. at all. Most people are doing the best they can and much props out to them. I just want to make that extra step. I still see the people in Goodwill, filling their cart with random second hand items. It's no different than buying new items that you didn't need. Just because it's secondhand, doesn't make it better.

So far, I believe that I can actually go a long while without buying anything at all. I have a good stock of food, vitamins, clothes, art supplies. I can go back to so called primitive ways of doing things. I know most people know are all about being super modern and green. Well, being green and primitive kept us as humans alive for centuries.

it is hard, no lie about it. It's hard to do things so drastically different in a modern world, but if we want to keep this world around, we better start doing some drastic different things.

so hopefully I pray I can keep up with this ideal.. and this blog. I like writing, although I probably suck at both.

Time has passed.

2010-01-30T00:35:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I last wrote in this. A lot has happened. A whole lot.
I've lost friends to death.
I've lost friends to differences.

I've realized things about me, things I've finally come to accept and relish.

I hold no regrets about all the negative that has happened. I wish some of it didn't happen, especially the deaths, but I know life wasn't meant to be a cakewalk.

In the upcoming months, for reason I can't mention right now, I (RB and I) will be living off of a LOT less than we do now, which isn't a lot. So it will be a very good test of faith. I know the harder parts will be dealing with people. I've already been dealing with the massive onslaught of negativity for just living.

This is short, but I'll end it with this. It's 2010. Live freely. Live happy. Smile. Share. Love.

Sometimes

2009-10-28T14:31:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I am glad not to have a huge blog following. First of all, I don't update daily. Second, I don't have to worry about having a ton of debates on how I live.

Personally, I don't like drawing attention to myself. I don't want/desire to be famous. I don't wish to be made some sort of role model. I can not handle that kind of pressure. I make mistakes, I do stupid things, just like every other human. I don't wish to become a hero.

In the age of "green living", you have your share of green blogger or better yet, people who have money to experiment. People who can say "I'm going to do this way of life for a month, 6 months, a year". Like the folks who did the 30 days on a food budget of one dollar a day. They promoted it on TV (apparently), talked to newspapers, yadda, yadda. No one seemed to take in consideration that people who generally live off of the little (for food at least) don't have the ability to go far away to get the best deals. They don't have the option of looking for food with the best nutritional value. For most poor people, filling the void in the middle is the first goal. And more often than not, there are at least some plants, even a tomato plant. We even jump into dumpsters to get food to eat. And trust me, we aren't above shoplifting. I know why they did it. all power to people who want to change things. But be understanding that for a lot of us, that is how we live. We can't experiment. We don't always have the tools to jump from one lifestyle to another. I wonder if people who see these bloggers just go "See, you have to embrace this way of life. Look at all they had to do to live that way. See, it's stupid and people who live that way are a bunch of idiots"

Another thing. I noticed that these blogs often have long debates in the comments, with people being apologetic for not being as "Extreme" as the poster or angrily justifying why they might do something that the poster won't do.
I find both amusing. Okay. I definitely do not live the american way. But in no way shape or form as I apologizing for it, or even on some level justifying why I am not. I simply post things that might help explain why I do the things that I do and maybe someone else might want to check it out. People who say to me "I have this _____ because.." make me want to smack myself. I know that you can't force someone to change. All you can do is live your life and give someone the freedom to make their own choice, even when the choice looks to be completely boneheaded.

I'm sure I was going someone with this, but eh.

Beautiful

2009-10-14T20:29:00.002-04:00

So, through whatever forces at work, I recalled that I didn't hear any of Eminem's latest album. Seeing as I have all his others, I said, "Why not? I'll check it out".

I always say to myself that when you need to hear something, you'll hear it.

That was me today when I hear the chorus line to his song "Beautiful"

In my shoes, just to see
What its like, to be me
Ill be you, lets trade shoes
Just to see what id be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others eyes
Don't let them say you aint beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you
Don't let them say you aint beautiful
They can all get fucked just stay true to you

Relating in a conversation I had last night night that had me saying the same thing. As much issues that I face being not just me, but what I am, I'll never understand the pain and issues of someone who ain't going through what I am. My pain might be different, but it ain't worse. Pain is pain.

In fact most of the song was speaking to me

Nobody asked for life to deal us with these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves and flip em dont expect no help
Now i could have either just stayed at home sit on my ass and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation with which im placed in and get up and kick my own

Yeah, I could have cried about being born in the ghetto, being so damn poor, nothing to eat and ended up on government assistance, sitting there doing nothing but asking for someone to give me something, taking out my anger on this world. Yeah. I could have. I didn't ask to be born this way, but I don't have to to make it me. Nothing will get done if I just sit there.

I learned my lesson then cuz i wasn't trying to impress my friends no more
But i already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cuz where you see it from where your sittin its probably 110% different

Speaking the truth.

Yeah, people hate the man, but you know what? Different opinions. Hate me now. He's saying something I like to hear, right when I need to hear it.

Art and Science of Dumpster Diving

2009-10-10T13:56:00.002-04:00

I always like this book, so how awesome was it when I found it in PDF form.

and like a good person, I'm sharing it to you all as well.

Art and Science of Dumpster Diving

Enjoy.

Look forward to more PDF books and files to come.

Making it count

2009-09-27T23:13:00.001-04:00

So, gathering from the comments and words of anarchists of lately, it doesn't matter if you are white, male, or straight, because no matter what you do, you have to continue to pay penance for the unfortunate horrible circumstance of being born with light skin and penis.

If you say that me being color blind is not acknowledging white privilege, then how do you honestly expect things to be equal ever? Do you guys want to keep people separate? Do you want to continue to have someone to blame? I don't want people to look at me as black person. I want them to see me! Don't you get it? I don't want you to continue to point out that I'm black. I get it already. I dont' need you to hold my hand as if I'm incapable of personal responsibility. If I do something stupid, don't pat my head and talk about how oppressed I am and how I have every right to be a jerk because of what some white people have done in the past. Call me out if I mess up. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. That's how I learn, that's how most people learn. Don't expect me to treat you as an equal if you keep cowering before me. Don't let someone make you believe that you are nothing because you're white, black, female, male, gay, straight, trans..etc.

The smartest thing I ever read online was this

"People will often hurt and kill each other for no other reason than one conveniently provided for them. People will hate and despise anything different if given a reason to. The only way to end discrimination is to stop pointing out differences, ignore the 'I'm special, look at mes!', and treat each other as truly equal. Not as protected citizens or minorities. There are no minorities, we're all the same, inside and out. "

"Oppression is on both sides of the table. It's just easier to forget about the other side when you feel slighted. Equality doesn't come with the stripping of rights from one and the uplifting of the other. It comes with time, understanding, patience, and maturity. Forcing people to do anything makes them more hostile towards what they're being forced away from."

I"m making one final plea. Please look past the color. Look past the gender, the sexuality, religion, all of it. You are who you are and stand beside us and fight for a new world. I'll say it over and over, if you want racism, sexism, bigotry, whatever to end, you stop keeping it around.

Updates are fun, no?

2009-09-27T18:36:00.003-04:00

Hi everyone.

I should be updating this more, but I've been occupying my time in other ways.

Let's see. Ooh Winter is coming. Some days it will be downright cold at night, other times rather warm. But October is almost here and we know, at least here on the East Coast, that means the cold will be here to stay very, very soon.

IF you don't know, I haven't had heat in 3 years. Long story short, no money, plus bill equals bigger bill and collection agencies. So until I can afford to pay off such a bill, I won't have heat. But no worries, I've been keeping warm in other ways.

One way is space heaters. Unfortunately, space heaters will triple your electric bills and I rather like having a low electric bill. It saves me money that I don't have. But rather than freeze to death in a poorly insulated brick building, we use them long enough to take the chill off the room. They do have propane space heaters, but I have yet to use them. Is propane cheap by chance?

Another way is the sun. Mr Sun is very good to us. It helps feeds us, gives us light and it is a big ole ball of heat. In the winter, sun is much higher in the sky. So use him. That's what he's there for. If you get up early, open the curtains and let in that heat. Around 11 or so, close up the curtains (except the south side, which gets more sun). Anything solar can work. They have plans of a solar heater in the Ghetto Garden zine on the zine library website. Check it out.
http://zinelibrary.info/files/ghettogardening.pdf

If you have a ceiling fan (I don't) turn the fan counterclockwise to make the from the ground rise up.

Clothing is good. I have a one of those skintight shirts that runners wear during the winter. It does great at keeping me warm(er). I can wear it under any shirt, usually baggy, and I'm definitely a lot more comfortable. Socks help, but don't wear more than two pairs or you risk oxygen cut off.

Hmm. well, i live in pretty much studio like apartment with a bedroom, so all my needs usually happen in one room anyways, but it does help to keep rooms you don't use (much) closed off. It does keep your bills down. Don't pay to keep a room you barely used heated.

Remember those rubber hot water pouch things? I have one and use it to heat up my sleeping area about 20 minutes before I got to sleep. Or I can use it when I'm reading, or writing. Just tuck it beside me and I'm warm for a few hours.

There are other ideals, like woodstoves. I'm not sure how to make it work in an apartment, but also on zine library, there is a zine on woodstoves http://zinelibrary.info/building-woodstoves

Failing all this, go hang out at the library or some other place with free heat

Let me know what tips you have

Post from Saydee's Kitchen

2009-09-10T02:32:00.008-04:00

This is from my very good friend Christine. Please read and check it out.

----------------------------------------------------------------

saydees kitchen
davao city feeding project

 
.
WHAT IS SAYDEE'S KITCHEN?

Is an effort to give free meals out of little resources we have to promote giving and make a declaration that we could make a difference maybe not in the world but in the community we are living in, we don’t believe that there is not enough food that could be spared for the starving people that visibly surrounds our everyday living.

As of now we serve an average of 150 meals per feeding. Using solicited vegetables from the market, we intend to serve hot and delicious vegan meals on weekends.

In early 2008 we started the project. Since then we had a few list of loyal volunteers that is consisted with artists and musicians and students that aim to concentrate and dedicate their spare time in pursuing Saydees kitchens goals and beliefs.

WHY SAYDEE'S KITCHEN?

The name Saydee is from a much-loved daughter. She was born with emphysema. We always dreamed of raising her to a community that lives for love.
We always planned of introducing a world to her that is about giving and compassion. She was suppose to grow up doing what her parents do and hopefully be a person who cares for the world and everything that lives in it. Unfortunately she died last July. This is a little tribute for her and with a bit of luck , her name would last forever synonymous to a good deed that she could have done while growing up.

Some details about how we do it

Thursday - we receive messages phone calls about who is going to help out, names and info are given out.

Fridays- we gather in a certain place at around 4 pm in the afternoon and set up discussions on how was the feeding projects going and to the uninitiated, we give them details on how we work and why. At around 430 we set off to the market and start collecting donated vegetables and also buy the other necessities for the next days feast. And bring it to our space to be segregated and arranged.

Saturday- we start the preparations such as slicing and cooking at 10 am and aim to finish it at around 2. We start packing the foods and start the feeding every 430 pm Saturday. we had been doing this even before Saydee's Kitchen started so our presence is much anticipated every Saturday. the kids and elderly line up to enjoy the humble food we had prepared and set up some programs or just simply play with them till the afternoon take its rest.

We are currently addressed in a small place that still needs a lot or work to get started. But having the place alone is already a good beginning and with high hopes in the future we could build it as a nice Saydee’s kitchen head quarters where it would cater all the food preparations and a gathering center and who knows, a revival of our free school/workshop for kids that once stood 2 years ago. With our fingers crossed and motivation driven, we hopefully have slow steps towards our dreams and values.

Our assertion is,
We have little possessions but we can do it, why not everyone and why not together!

Help out and reach out!!

http:// myspace.com/saydeeskitchen
http://cothc.blogspot.com

“everything must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for”

------------------------------------------------

Everything that we do affect all those around us. We live in a world where the US president can go on TV and talk about how "easy" it is to be whoever we want to be. Well, I'm sorry but not everyone had the private school education, not everyone had a Harvard education. Not everyone had the access to healthy food, a good education, a safe place to grow up. Our greed creates an unhealthy, unsafe, poorly education world. When we work against the children of the world, we work against our own future.

Technology

2009-08-27T22:14:00.003-04:00

Simply by using this blog, one can see that I'm NOT against technology to some degree. It's is useful for getting information out across the world..well to those who can afford a computer or have access to one. It's good for looking up info, learning from people you may never be able to visit, etc.

But it can be too much and that should be very apparent.

Take cell phones for instance. One can do almost anything on a cell phone now. It's hard to walk around america, at least, without running into someone who is texting, emailing, browsing, talking, playing a game, watching a movie, or listening to music from their phone. I'm sure there are people do even more. But there is also the rise of deadly car accidents resulting from the phone use. There are now laws against texting while walking. That is but one device that has seemingly captured our minds.

Here's an issue I'm been seeing. What is up with people trying to "improve" the lives of 3rd world nations or indigenous folks by telling them that their tried and true ways of doing something would be better if they "upgraded"? For some people, the simplicity is perfect for them. It is almost meditative. Take a group of women using mortar and pestle to pound corn into flour or whatnot. For most, it is a gathering time for the women to talk, share, exchange information. Some look forward to this time. But then I read about people saying that they can invent better technology so the women wouldn't be "subjected to such primitive measures". Are you kidding me?

Why does everything have to be "faster, bigger, better?" Why can't people do thing that may be simple or primitive to another? Why must they improve on something that works perfectly fine for them? Who cares if it's primitive? It works. It has worked. No need to haul in generators, electricity and the whatnot. They use their own methods of sustainability. I think people forget that there are different methods to sustainability. I know it's all about western living. *beats heads*

In other news, we're looking for a place. we may have found one, but will not know anything for a few weeks. It's still a apartment, but it has more space for urban gardening (backyard and front), plus space to allow people to sleep over comfortably, room for indoor plants, composting toilets, compost, worms, or whatever I come up with me. I sure hope we get it.

Remember

2009-08-14T17:10:00.003-04:00

One common Western trait is to assume your views are correct and everyone else is wrong. As much as America shouts this across the world, we aren't the police of the world. We, as americans, cannot decide what is right and what is wrong. We can not label something as evil because we believe it is. Yes, we may find things unspeakable, but others may find what we do as unspeakable.

We may not like it, but forcing our opinions on others can't be good.

It takes a bit to get to this point. It's not a popular stance. Most people thrive on being able to look down at another, no matter how much they want to admit it. As much as I would LOVE to see people working together, sharing, showing the true power of love, I know that I can't force it. I can't force people to bend to that will. I spend enough time being yelled at, lectured, belittled to change how I feel. People change when they want to.

I'm taking that trip to the Philippines. I need to see this for myself. What I was told here, what I was led to believe for the longest time about places other than the US, I need to see for myself. I need to see the truth. I need to see what has been hidden from me. I wish to visit Japan. I really do, but it doesn't seem likely, not to mention how many offers I received to "stay over" where in fact, just standard politeness, never meant to be taken seriously. I wish that I had been aware of that, but hey, I know now and I know to be sure of something.

What I figured out.

2009-08-09T21:46:00.004-04:00

I learned something today.

About myself.

I wondered about the town I lived in, you know, on why people had such a vendetta against me but not against RB. After a weird argument with him this morning, he said something that made a lot of sense, whether he realized it or not.

"Why make things difficult? If you can do things easy, then why not just do them? You're just asking for trouble when you take the harder road".

I take the "difficult" road.

For the people in this town, they want the easy road. They don't want a challenge. They didn't want someone who didn't think they same, act the same, have the same lack of desire and goals. For them, they couldn't buy me off either. They couldn't use money, drugs, alcohol to seduce me. For RB, the desire to fit in.. well...

Take this for example.
Most people would freely admit to not wanting to work, however, most would want to have a large amount of money for whatever they wanted it for. since the odds of having both are slim, they would rather keep working to have the money. The ideal of working less is absurd. I mean, everyone wants a lot of money, right?
Now take me. I don't like working for money, but I also don't feel the need to have LOTS of money. Maybe a little just for absolute basics, but I've learned over the years how to get by on less, to desire less unnecessary things, learning about edibles provided free by nature, things along that line. The very ideal that I don't want a lot of money sets them on edge. This ideal alone had me alienated from a lot of people. To them, it's just easy to work and buy and not think. It's the easy road. They can work, complain about it, but it doesn't require much thinking really. I do love being happy. I can't fake it. I can't pretend. Everytime I try, i want to kill myself. I do.

I'm not sure why. I mean, I'm not hurting them. I'm not hurting myself. Shoot, that means more for them. One would think it would be wise to know how to survive with less income, especially in Today's society of recessions. lay-offs and the whatnot. But for most, it's still traitorous.

In other news..

Today, a friend stopped by and I handed him a Flash for an older camera. I had originally found the camera in the dumpster and was planning to give to a friend who photographed for a living. However my friend didn't want it and it's been sitting on a shelf in our apartment. He wanted to buy the flash off me before and never got around it. So today, I just handed it to him without asking for money or anything else. He asked me what I wanted for it. I shrugged and said "Whatever. It's no big deal". It felt good to do that. Most people would kick me for letting that go without asking for something. As he left, it started to pour, and I mean pour. I handed him my rainbow umbrella. He almost resisted seeing it's my only umbrella, but I was inside. He was about to walk almost a mile in a raging thunderstorm. The very ideal of just giving really resounded in me.

Could you...

2009-08-08T23:20:00.002-04:00

go completely moneyless for a year?

how about 8?

This guy at http://zerocurrency.blogspot.com is doing just that.

He's definitely more hardcore than I am, although the ideal of being completely moneyless has been in the back of my head. I live in America, where massive amounts go to waste. I don't need new things and it's shameful, almost sinful that people starve, freeze, go without the basics of life while we throw away perfectly usable items all the time.

Also his ideas on religion/spirtuality match mine in a way, so it was an extra cool read for me. Check him out.

An update

2009-07-28T16:49:00.002-04:00

As you can probably see, I haven't been posting. Let's say that I had a massive life change that made me stop and look at things in a new light.

I don't know if I can ever call myself an anarchist, well at least in the sense of the word that most people know. For the last year, I had been been witnessing a lot of things that made me wonder about the path that I had been on. The previous post talked about people wishing death to other people for existing. That had been one major issue with me. I felt like i was worthless talking to people who seemed to wish only death upon humans. I mean, how does one continue with life if they deem their own lives as worthless? How does one have any hope, desire if all they do is say "No matter what, it's still wrong"

Race/gender was another thing. I live with a white male and in those years, I've learned something. As much as people want to sprout their "End Sexism/racism", THEY DON'T WANT IT TO END! They WANT it, they want to have a reason to hate. They want someone to blame. They want to have an excuse. All they do is TALK about how they are so inferior, but dare to tell them "Hey, do this yourself" or refuse to submit to their will and what happens. "You're racist!! You're sexist" . People will hate people for any reason you give them. I could never understand why people would rather say the same old stuff over and over and then expect people to just go "Yes, you are better than me. I give up myself so you can feel superior". I will be the first to admit that there are things my mate can do a LOT better than me, however, I'm not gonna get all stupid and insist that I do it, even when I know I can't. That's a absolute waste of time and energy. There are things he is well aware that I can do better than him and he always goes "Here. You do it. You can do it better than I" Also, how can one blame a person for something they had no control over? I had no control over this dark skin I was born with. I can say the same about the light skinned human with the penis. But one will continue to blame them for all problems. And we wonder why our boys grow up to be filled with hate? We tell them as children that they are bad, dirty, stupid, the reason for all the bad things and then we expect them to not be affected by that? Those shirts that say "Boys are stupid, let's throw rocks at them" would NEVER, EVER be allowed to say "Girls are stupid. Let's throw rocks at them" This is one huge subject that gets me. If I want people to understand, then I have to treat them with respect. ALL PEOPLE.

I used to think that everyone could live a particular way. But looking around, communicating with people from around the world and looking at my own life, showed me that it wasn't the truth. I, myself, had to re-evaluate my own life after my rapid declining health. And the response I had received from the so called enlightened people showed that they too believed that everyone could be one way. They actually insisted that I continue the path I was taking, ignoring that I was getting sicker and weaker. They did not care about me as a person, just the dogma they were holding onto so tightly.

So in short, right now, I'm living day by day, attempting to live by karmic law rather than stagnant dogma of what a majority of the anarchist community wants me to live by. I treat people as I wish to be treated. I don't look at skin color, gender, or sexual preference. I realized that my life may not be the same for another, but I don't force judgment on them. So far... it's been working out a lot better.

Thanks for listening to me. For all those out there who truly are making a difference, I THANK YOU!

BIG SHOUTOUT TO MY CREW at SAYDEE'S KITCHEN! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Confusion

2009-06-10T02:47:00.002-04:00

Something has been confusing me lately.

Why do people find it so weird that I actually like humans? Am I suppose to hate humans or something? I'm seeing a massive, massive rise in anti-human movement. They see starvation, for one, as a way to eliminate the human race, so when they find out that I'm sending cash to the Philippines, it's like "Why are you sending money to help feed people? Humans should be extinct. This is nature's way of restoring the balance".

I think that is a HORRIBLE thing to say and think. People who PRAISE starvation, illness, disease while sitting comfortably in their middle class suburbs, people who think other people should die, but not them. If you feel human existence is so awful and so bad, then why are you still here?

it boggles my mind so much that people can hate that much. It's even more mind boggling when they actually think me sending money to help feed people is some sort of treason, you know. As hard as it is to believe, I don't want to destroy people. I don't praise large groups of people dying, I don't go up to pregnant women and tell them to get an abortion (Yes, people do this). It's...just really super awkward and depressing...

I just had to get this off my chest. I'll get back to the DIY stuff soon.

More of an "about me"

2009-06-05T02:39:00.002-04:00

I've been wanting to be wild and free ever since September 4th 2008 when i fell out, had my heart stop twice and was convinced I was dead. It took death for me to see that I wasn't living in a way that was true to me. I was living in the dogmatic anarchism life, dominated by rules and way of living. I wasn't free, I had just jumped from one rigid life to another.
Now, stating this here and now. I see a lot of decisions as a personal choice. No one should follow any one way because they are told/pushed towards. So, my decisions are not going to be yours.

A few examples.

-I began eating meat again. This was a decision that I came to after a long time vegan and declining health. Since then, my health has improved tenfold.

-I no longer see things as feminine or masculine. While I aware there are things that may have more of one then the other, I recognize that femininity and masculinity exist in everything. I live my life, treating others as I would like to be treated, regardless of gender.

-I no longer engage in most debates. Debating, for me, was only good for exchanging words. It led to nothing, except more debate. I'm more into living life.

-I live more wild. I wish for a life more uncivilized, and the only way I can do that is to live it.

In the end, I'm happier and more content with my life. Most people, sometimes, well, get offended, and I'm not talking about your average person. I would get approached by more anarchist that "disagreed" with my lifestyle choices. But, what is anarchy then, if it comes with strict rules that we all must abide by?

Summer

2009-06-02T18:48:00.003-04:00

I'm making preparations at the point to move to a new location. For the past few days, I have been completely empty inside. I realize that I live in a place that is an energy/life force vacuum. My life feels as if it's being sucked out and replaced with nothing.
Yesterday only showed me that even more clearly. I was shown the hard way that the people I called friends were not, well, friends. It sucks and yes it hurts, but I know I need to stay true to myself.

But back to the DIY.
I'm putting up another page from Guerrilla Girls Guide to Greywater. It's a really great zine and I think people should definitely have a copy of it. I think Microcosm Publishing carries it.
This is brief, very brief page on the benefits of greywater. I personally use shower water to flush my toilet and if it's not too dirty, I use for washing floors. (I keep two filled 2 liter bottles in the toilet tank to conserve water). The water I use when waiting for water to warm up is used for my few pieces of laundry.
Water is a very, very ,very precious substance. Let's not waste it.

Simple "Green" Living

2009-05-27T18:07:00.003-04:00

I wanted to go into a bit more detail about greener living, (to use the most recent terminology.)

Want to be more green?
Cut back on time spent in showers. It doesn't take that long to clean yourself. I have timed myself. It takes me 1:30 to get wet, scrub and rinse. That's it. My dreads get bowl cleaned (baking soda and tea tree in hot water, dunk, wrapped in towel, sit for 30-45 minutes and rinse. Keeps them clean)
Put a bucket in the tub when you shower. Let water run into it. Use that water to bucket flush the toilet. (or if using rinse water, clean your floors with it)
As for the toilet, no one said you needed to flush every single time you use it.
Stop running the AC so much (or like me, not at all). Eat less heavy foods, drink more water, don't run so much electrical items until after sun set. You'll be fine. Besides, America is way too dependent on comfort. The cold clammy stale air conditioned air is really not healthy.
REUSE! Compost those scraps. Wear out your clothes. Mend clothes that need repairs.
Make sure it is truly trash and unusable before you throw it away.
Trying walking places. Sometimes slowing down has it's benefits.
Stop filling your minds with crap. Put down the paper and turn off the TV. Know your neighbors. Go to the park and play. Plant some seeds in the dirt. Plant 1 tree a year. Just one more tree per person can make a world of difference. (that goes double for us city folks. Breathing in traffic fumes is killer)

Green living isn't just about physical change. It's also mental and emotional. It's not something you can just buy at a store.

Too much of a good thing

2009-05-27T17:42:00.002-04:00

I know I wrote about dumpster diving and all that comes with it, but for the last year or so, I've become very, hmm what the word, distraught by what I've been seeing. It bothers me to see the people see it ONLY as a way to get free things that usually don't need. I see lack of sharing with finds. I see people using it as means to further capitalistic gains. I see it portrayed on TV (well, I hear that it is on TV now. I don't watch TV). I see people seeing as an easy way to get things they don't need.
I'll be honest. I haven't really dumpstered dived in about 10 months. People were cleaning out the dumpsters daily, and when I say cleaning out, I mean taking 4-6 full bags of bread, bagels and what not. I see blogs of people taking about how they have housefuls of things they don't need, but grabbed out of the dumpster. I rarely see anyone doing anything more that just "getting free stuff" and being able to party with the money they saved. I don't understand why people dive for things they don't need. Collecting free junk and letting dust collect on items you don't need is just as stupid as buying junk you don't need.
I wanted to move past the temporary and into the permanent. With Oprah showing upper middle and upper class homes "dumpster diving" in the same neighborhoods, taking away free food from people who truly do need to eat, I know there is even more of a reason to put out more permanent solutions.
In one such forum, I asked if anyone else was doing anything other than diving, seeing how there were so many who were "converted" after watching Oprah. Some were using the collect items to sell for cash. I figured if you were living for free, then you would be working less and having more time. For 98%, it was just a way to have more money. The ideal of working less was almost offensive. The ideal of composting, or gardening or solar power was completely foreign. They saw no need to go there, as they said. They got their free food. When I asked about the poorer families who also need the food in dumpsters, their response? "That's what the church kitchens are for"
Freeganism has become a joke. It is now splashed on the TV and newspapers. It is spoken at soccer games and business meetings. We live in a time of "Green Consumerism". People think by buying "Green clothes" and buying "Green cars" that they are showing their support for a greener lifestyle. Greener lifestyle.. LOL.
What about compost, gardening, planting fruit and nuts trees, bamboo, homes made natural items, reusing, rainwater composting? Aren't those green? Why should I spend $20,000 to live the green lifestyle? What if I lived in a small cob homes, with no electricity (preferably, but with candle light or at most a single solar cell) ,composted my own rainwater and poop, had a garden with fruit and nut trees, maybe even some rice/soy plants? Would I not be green? Do I need to buy the overpriced jeans and shirt that proclaim "Green is Cool"?
I would rather see people reusing than making new things. I rather see natural building, building that last, like cob, adobe, or stone. Maybe even cordwood buildings. I want to see rainwater being reused. I want to see more trees. I want to see parks filled with fruit and nuts trees. I want to see rooftop gardens and vacant lot guerrilla gardens.
I know that if I want to see these things, that I have to put even more of an effort out there to see it. I am one person, but one person can do a lot.

Humanure??

2009-05-25T10:28:00.004-04:00

Yep. that's right. That poop you flush.. can be turned into very good manure for your garden.
Sounds gross?
How do you think you get any plant matter? You think there is no poop used to grow your food?
Check out the flyer below.
GIve you outline of the waste, the do and don't
and how do compost your poopie.

More stickers!!!!

2009-05-24T13:10:00.006-04:00

More stickers for you! Print them out directly on sticker paper (if you are at a public library, you can always slide some sticker paper in the machine). Or just print, cut and paste. You can use mailing labels as well.

Pedal Washer

2009-05-23T21:34:00.008-04:00

This is in the Guerilla Girls Guide to Greywater. Check it out.

Good Luck!

Good House

2009-05-23T21:26:00.001-04:00

What does YOUR house look like?

More observations

2009-05-22T14:23:00.003-04:00

Hmm. This has been on my mine for a while now.

I've been coming across people who seemed to be more concerned with what music I listen to, what clothes I wear and other superficial things than what I am doing as a person. It's almost as if you must fit into a perfectly organized box to even be considered.

Why is that?

If you and I are standing next to each other, giving away free food, should it matter what music I listen to? Should it matter if I have the right music patches on my hoody? Why do I get called "Poser" for not having the right posters?

I see "anarchists" all the time, seeming more worried about how they look, spending more time just getting drunk and high, and beating up people they don't like. Whatever happened to uplifting the people? I see dumpster divers taking all the food from the dumpster, leaving none for people who do need to eat. They stay in their own safe suburbs, and do nothing but "talk" about what they may be able to do, if there isn't a party going on.

I don't want to become that. I want to spread my knowledge. I want to plant seeds. I want to feed people. I want to see communities helping other communities. I want to see people smiling with real smiles. I want to plant trees. I want to see less cars and more walking. I want to see healthy food in store. I want to see parks.

It's a lot for me, being a single person trying to do so much. Every anarchists that I have met offline has turned out to be more concerned with getting drunk and busting out random windows. I'm all for protest and marching, but what about feeding, housing, health issues, things that need attention right away? Don't those matter anymore?

Do something! anything! Put up subversive stickers! Plant seeds! Give away food! Talk to people! Leave the suburbs and talk to people locked in inner cities! Learn to understand people! Just do something.

An Observation

2009-05-22T14:06:00.002-04:00

There is something I noticed.

Around here, there is a church that gives out bagged food to the homeless. It's sometimes enough for a few days, the day in between the two days they are opened.
I know several homeless people who go there.

But what I have been noticing is that, while I'm forever grateful that there are people who care just enough to provide food to people, I noticed that the food is definitely empty calories, nutrient less food. I can understand why. It's cheap and readily available. It's not like the overpriced vegan food in stores (lots of vegan I have notice spend a lot of cash to eat just like meat veggie alternatives. I know of people who spend 250 a WEEK on vegan food. I suppose they forgot about rice, beans, veggies, and fruit). But it is seriously lacking in vitaimins and minerals.

RedBull (the DH) says it's simply financial. It's easier to buy the nutritionally dense food. And some churches don't have the means to give out better food. Also, most people are advertised to like only certain types of brand name food, even if they know it's unhealthy.

Okay. Understood. But maybe there are solutions they haven't bothered to check out.

How about vitamins? I recently got 1 a day vitamins on sale for 5.99 (store brand, but we all know it's the same exact things) and it was buy one get one free. so, 100 vitamins for $3.00. Maybe offering vitamins in these small packs of food could give these people the nutritional boost that they need.

Or, how about offering fruit baskets at the church? If it's too costly to offer them to the people, why not have a few baskets around in the waiting area? I know that when kids come to my house, they always ask me for the fruit that I have on the stove. (I only use one half of my stove). It's sweet and good for you, but who looks at the "Good for you" part?

The Food Not Bombs of making one hot meal a week would be perfect for a church. I mean, are cops gonna run into a church and break it up? Are they gonna confiscate the food? Arrest the minister? Hey FNB, think about that. Maybe start serving in a church. THere are two on my street alone.

There are probably other solutions that I'm not seeing, but here are three.

Recipe - Filipino Veggie Curry

2009-03-16T16:21:00.002-04:00

This is from my very good friend Christine from the Philippines.

ingredients miix veggie of your choice anything you can used.
leafy veges are very much delicios if its curry based

veges: garlic
lots of carrots onion red and green
cabbage coconut milk
potato curry paste or powder
cauliflower ginger
string beans

saute garlic,oinion red bell pepper, ginger, then the hard veges such as carrots,add coconut milk,then the curry powdr or paste ..let it simmer until the veges are cooked then add the greens such as the leafy veges then salt and pepper according to taste. put the green bell pepper as toppings

suggestive served

rice and the vegetable curry on top....

very yummy

Please help support Saydee's Kitchen. the US dollar, while weak here, is a HUGE help in 3rd world nations. http://saydeeskitchen.webs.com/index.htm
www.myspace.com/saydeeskitchen

please help. 50 USD is enough for several days of feeding for over 100 people.

Thanks!

Been a bit

2009-02-27T13:02:00.002-05:00

Sorry. I've been out of the loop for a bit.

Well, winter is coming to an end and that means....

SEED BOMBS!!!!!!

My goal this gardening seasons is 2500 seedbombs, more than enough to replant many acres.

I'm keeping this short, but, check out this FREE zine from zinelibrary.info (yah promoting!!!)

http://zinelibrary.info/edible-forest-gardening
http://zinelibrary.info/green-mountain

(okay, I lied. Two, but they are both great and so is zinelibrary.info)

HAPPY BOMBING!!!

As soon as I start, I will be videotaping it for all to see and enjoy

Discrimination

2008-10-30T18:36:00.000-04:00

yep

"People will often hurt and kill each other for no other reason than one conveniently provided for them. People will hate and despise anything different if given a reason to. The only way to end discrimination is to stop pointing out differences, ignore the 'I'm special, look at mes!', and treat each other as truly equal. Not as protected citizens or minorities. There are no minorities, we're all the same, inside and out.
"

"Oppression is on both sides of the table. It's just easier to forget about the other side when you feel slighted. Equality doesn't come with the stripping of rights from one and the uplifting of the other. It comes with time, understanding, patience, and maturity. Forcing people to do anything makes them more hostile towards what they're being forced away from"

It is true. People WILL ignore oppression of another gender or race because "they don't understand". They tend to forget that they just might not understand that other side as well. I don't pretend to even begin to understand what it's like to be expect to not show emotion, or weakness, or even a slight non understanding, to always expected to be strong. If you think I'm joking, tell me how many times, a non minority (stupid PC terms) has said or thought "I can't say anything to a minority because they make me feel like I'm saying something racist" Admit it.

The world won't change as long as we're throwing up our differences at every chance we get. But I know how people WANT to have that oppression. It makes them feel special for some stupid ridiculous reason. To them, I say "Get Bent I don't need nor want to be around you. We had no control over our race, our gender, our sexuality. If you want to persecute someone for something they had no control over (whether white, black, penis, vagina, straight, or gay) what does that make you?

Free Sticker pages Part 2

2008-09-28T22:22:00.000-04:00

More stickers to print

Free Sticker Pages Part 1

2008-09-28T22:17:00.002-04:00

Here are some stickers you can print out with sticker paper. It's already arranged so all you have to do is print and cut.

*hint*
You CAN use postal labels for free sticker paper.

Patches and Shirts

2008-09-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

Some shirts and patches I have made. I have more but no photos.

2008-08-29T16:47:00.001-04:00

Do you remember when you tried to "save me" from myself? Do you remember the high class summer job at MBNA so I can see the "better life" that awaited me if I tried just a little harder? Do you remember telling me what to say so that the people would believe that I would be a great addition to their job? How about when you told me what I should wear or how my hair should look, because I mean after all, we don't want these people to think I come from those poor neighborhoods?

Do you remember those LIES?

Well, what did happen? Let's see. I was let go for my ways. I was just a little too outspoken for them. I stepped out of line and they couldn't hack it. I suppose my little manifesto made them a little upset.

So, what did you do next?

Join the Military! You have no future. You can't afford college. You'll just be another little poor ghetto child with children by different fathers. You'll be another statistic. But, but, if you join the military, well, then you'll have the future! Just sign here on the dotted line and we'll ignore your little heart problem. No one will know.

More Lies, eh?

What happen there? Hmm. 2001 Honorable Discharge. I guess that little heart problem kind of surfaced. I guess it's back to "No Future" for me.

Hm. So instead of trying actually help me, you tried to make me pretend that I wasn't who I was. You were willing to help me, so long as I looked and acted like you. I had to have my hair chemically straighted, I had to speak as you wanted me to, I had to dress in the clothes that you allowed, and I had forget who I was, so I could become the person that you wouldn't be ashamed of.

YOU LOST!

Everything that I faced growing up, every dilemma, every obstacle thrown in my path, every tear shed will always remain in me. You cannot take that away, nor will I allow it. You can not mold me in your image, because I am not you. You can not make me walk away and forget my past. You think if I act like you, I won't embarrass you. You think if I speak like you, you'll be able to allow your children walk past me. You think that if I look like you, that I am now worthy of your time.

HAHA!

What are you really doing? Are you giving these kids a real chance, or are you deciding for them what they are allowed to be? We're not stupid. We know that you want us gone, the "trash" as you call us. The poor whites, blacks, asian, hispanic, native americans, all of us. The ones you can't stand to see in "your" stores, on "your" streets, in "your" schools. The ones that you drag your children away from, lest they be exposed to the realities of the world.

You pit us against each other. You lock us in cages. You've placed that carrot of opportunity just above us, giving us false hopes and dreams that you have no intention of honoring.

Well guess what America. My cage has been destroyed.

You couldn't stop me then. You sure can't stop me now. You won't be able to stop us all.

On a roll...

2008-06-14T15:08:00.001-04:00

Always remember this

"Ultimately I've found that the less I concern myself with my future, the more the future takes care of itself. The less attention I give to fears of growing old, the more my mind opens, and the more value I am to others."

It does bother me, after all, to hear day in and day out, "So, what are you going to do about your future?" and usually it's through people who don't know me and ask RedBull as if he's not going to tell me. Okay. I'm thankful that you are concerned and all, but why not ask me "What are you doing with your present time, you know the time you KNOW you're going to have?" Why not ask me what I'm doing with my life right now? Why not ask me about my feelings, my plans for the now? Why is the present such an insignificant time? I KNOW for sure that I have right now. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, the next day, two months from now, six months from now, 5 years. I know, it's like "but you'll be so unhappy if you live for twenty years and have nothing"

What is nothing?

To you, it's not having the gold plated nameplate on your CEO office door. To you, it's not having the 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom monstrosity to hold all your possessions. It's not having someone talk about your "Success" while you're doing SO WELL, you're in debt up to your eyeballs, but the neighbors are jealous. To you, that's is what I won't have.

You can take it. I don't want it.

If I never live to see 40 years old, at least I can say, "I hold no single regret". I won't be begging Death for a few more years "To do what I thought I had time for", Knowing me, it'll be like "What took you so long?"
I can hear it now, "That's just selfish"
What is selfish? Me, asking myself to live my life, fully each day with no regrets and being happy while doing it? Is that selfish? To rather spend time with my mate right now, rather than to tell him "No, honey, we'll spend time together later, after I get this promotion". So I'm selfish now?

Yes I am.

I am selfish in wanting to be happy, truly happy. I am selfish in wanting to spend time with my loved ones and friends, to give them all of me, rather than a useless, tired too worn out to exist me. I am selfish wanting to experience all I can right now, rather than to wait until I'm too old to appreciate it. I am selfish because I don't want to say (again) "Hey, I'm 14 years old. Why does my heart hurt? Or hey, "I'm 23 years old. I shouldn't be feeling this worn down and my heart still shouldn't be in physically pain?" Why I am being told that "You think you got it bad now? Wait until you've been working for 25 years, hahaha. Then you'll feel some pain" Okay. Yah.

*brain explode*

When terminally ill kids have their "Last Wish", I don't see a single person going "Oh, you still have time. You'll be fine" Why? Because "they're going to die soon. Let them enjoy all they can in their short lives"

Hello! We are all dying, some just faster than others.

"Now, what if everyone did that? Then what would happen?"
It won't. People will be dragged kicking and screaming into death going, "But I don't know who won American Idol!!!!!!. Some people will never let go of the pursuit of "happiness" and the American Dream (which in the world's nightmare). People will die clutching their Black cards as they buy over and over, trying to fill that void in their lives, their children's lives, and whoever they need to please.

"You haven't done anything!" they scream, "You don't have a job! You don't have a future! What good are you?"

Maybe.

But I have a present, right now and that's more that you will ever have. I have love. I have contentment. I have enough. I have family and friends. I have a big toothy grin and not a wrinkle on my forehead. I have kisses for RedBull to make him feel warmth and love from a world gone cold with hate.

Forget about Tomorrow.
Celebrate Today.

...You must be mad...

2008-06-14T15:07:00.000-04:00

"Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally
So I ended up in misery, wasn't able to see
All the good around me
I wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Simply just remembering to breathe"

I think I just admitted to myself that I really don't care about my future, at least here on Earth. I accepted that a lot of things really don't matter to me as much as I believed they did. I was unhappy simply because I was still believing something in my mind that I didn't believe in my heart.

It's hard. I will admit that. It's hard to live for that moment when everyone around you thinks they have to be doing something worthy of praise to be considered "Living". It's hard when everyone is always saying "Well, one day, or "Maybe when I get this out of the way" or the dreaded "Well, my parents/partner/friends/family want me to do this..."

I've noticed something to. Because I am content within myself (well, a lot better off), I don't need to go out doing stupid things to get attention. I don't have to do things that might caused injury to myself, or gross out someone to make sure someone is paying attention to me. I can be myself.

I'm human, I ain't able to please
Everyone at the same time, so now I find
My peace of mind living one day at a time

But this is me. Everyone has to decide what they want.

The Suburban Lawn by Bill Mollison

2008-06-14T15:05:00.000-04:00

The Suburban Lawn by Bill Mollison

The American Lawn uses more resources than any other agricultural industry in the world. It uses more phosphates than India, and puts on more poisons than any other form of agriculture. The American lawn could feed continents if people had more social responsibility. If we put the same amount of [people] power, fuel and energy into reforestation we could reforest the entire continent. A house with two cars, a dog, and a lawn uses more resources and energy than a village of 2000 Africans.

Often you will see a little house on a residential block, surrounded by flowers and lawn and perhaps a bit of shrubbery . Behind the house, way in the back and maybe hidden by a discreet trellis, will be a small vegetable garden. You recognize the pattern. It is so universal that to move a cabbage up on to this lawn is a cause for total neighborhood consternation. My favorite story is that of a man in Tasmania who dared plant cabbages in his "nature strip". That sacred and formal grassy area between sidewalk and street. Having thus demonstrated his total lack of the sense of fitness of things, he was sharply reminded of his error when the local council sent trucks and men to uproot the vegetables (which were merely useful, and therefore of no aesthetic value). I must, in all fairness, say this occurred in 1977 and by 1979 the council had tentatively begun to plant fruit and nut trees in their public parks.

Yet why should it be indecent to have anything useful in the front half of your property or around the house where people can see it? Why is it low-status to make that area productive? The condition is peculiar to the British landscaping ethic; what we are really looking at here is a miniature British country estate, designed for people who had servants. The tradition has moved right into the cities, and right down to quarter acre patches. It has become a status symbol to present a non-productive facade. The lawn and it’s shrubbery is a forcing of nature and landscape into a salute to wealth and power, and has no other purpose or function.

The only thing that such designs demonstrate is that power can force men and womyn to waste their energies in controlled, menial and meaningless toil. The lawn-gardener is a schizoid serf as well as the feudal lord, following her/his lawn mower and wielding her/his hedge clippers, and contorting roses and privet into fanciful and meaningless topiary.

If you have inherited a large lawn, never fear: help is at hand! It is easily turned into productive space in a few hours by sheet mulching with newspaper and straw (depending on family needs, a small space might be saved as a children’s play area), and can be designed to be both aesthetically-pleasing and productive by planting:
Shrubs: Gooseberries, blueberries, currants, rhubarb.
Flowers for salads: borage, nasturtium, calendula, daylily.
Herbs: thyme, lavender, rosemary, oregano, marjoram.
Colorful vegetables: variegated kale, chili peppers, capsicum (red, green, yellow), eggplant (elongated, black, yellow), yard long cucumbers, watermelons, squash on trellis, scarlet runner beans (beautiful flowers), cherry tomatoes, pumpkin.
Carpeting plants: chamomile, alpine strawberries.
Trees: citrus, persimmon (orange fruits hang off leafless trees in autumn), almond and apricot (pink and white flowers in spring).

Thus, an energy-consuming, unproductive lawn is turned into a large food-producing area containing 100-200 plant species in less than six months. If all suburban lawns were so transformed, urban food needs could be cut by at least 20%.

[This essay was taken from Introduction to Permaculture]

Survive

’Guerilla Gardening - The Seeds of the Future’ from Beneath the Concrete

2008-06-14T15:04:00.000-04:00

’Guerilla Gardening - The Seeds of the Future’ from Beneath the Concrete

In this day and age, growing your own food and saving your own seeds has become a revolutionary act. Creating and maintaining local autonomy free from the clutches of global financial institutions and agri-chemical ’Life Science’ corporations is the only alternative we have if we are going to save the planet’s inhabitants including ourselves from extinction. We rely on large corporations for so much of the basics of our livlihood and it is time to show that there are alternatives to industrial agribusiness and that given the opportunity and the resources, we are ready to put them into place.

We are a group of urban community gardeners in solidarity with the millions of poor farmers in the world who are being driven from their land and forced to grow cash crops by the policies of the World Bank and International Monetary Fund. We are visionaries who see a future free from this corporate slavery that defines our global economy and are working daily in our communities to take back local control of our lives - beginning with the food we eat.

"The land is for those who work it - liberty is for those who take it."

As gardeners, we recognize that the reasons we don’t want monocultures of chemical industrial agriculture on our land are the same reasons we don’t want a monoculture of CocaCola, Starbucks, and McDonalds in our cities.

Global commodities cannot afford to be different and local communities and businesses are unable to survive in a world of chain stores, sweatshops, and plantations. Diversity gets in the way of profits and control. The will to dominate and control nature sees diversity as a disease and deficiency. But diversity in our lands and in our cultures is what keeps us alive and makes our lives rich. As we stand our ground we must remember that we are fighting to keep the bankers from turning the planet into a big strip mall.

desertification from monoculture ploughing
It is up to us to take the future into our own hands. If we leave the responsibility of healing this world up to institutions like the World Bank and International Monetary Fund, we are dooming ourselves to a future of corporate feudalism and ecological catastrophy. For more than fifty years the record is plain and simple: the people who design the policies at these institutions are not interested in alleviating poverty and creating an equitable distrobution of wealth, they are only interested in integrating people from all over the world into the market economy without regard to it’s impact on peoples lives. Their skewed developement policies kill people everyday. The World Bank and IMF have created a system of modern day colonialism that make the people in the developing world poorer and the multinational corporations richer and take the power away from all of us. It is time we take a stand and say "no more!"

Seeds of Liberation

All creation is sacred. Seeds, plants, animals, and micro-organisms are our common heritage and not private property. Any claim to own or patent life is a theft from and a cultural assult on indigenous people. Indigenous peoples, farmers and women seed-keepers have the right to save, share and exchange seeds and medicinal plants. Seeds are the source of life. Peoples movements are the source of resistance. Up the pavement!

’Urban Guerilla Gardening - Growing Food in the City’ by Sascha Scatter

We need to start growing food where we live and reclaiming all this knowledge for ourselves and future generations. We can’t keep importing and trucking all our food all over the globe and let big corporations control the most basic aspect of our lives for us. There is so much potential for growing food in the cities and suburbs. Taking over abandoned rubble lots and roof tops and lawns and starting community gardens. Building compost with all the organic wastes from supermarkets and restaurants and our kitchens. Catching water before it runs off into the sewers - building ponds and attracting birds and insects. Creating urban woodlots of fire and timber wood grown around industrial zones can filter pollution from the air, produce oxygen, provide habitat for birds and small animals, and not make all the buildings so damn oppressive. Local parks could be full of fruit trees and berries. We could graft scion wood of good fruit trees to crab apples in alleyways or non-fruiting cherries and peaches and plumbs in parks, come back later for the harvest. We can dumpster tons of bathtubs and tires and milkcrates and refrigerators and other good stuff to grow things out of. There’s more edge and vertical growing space than you can shake a stick at in the city. The possibilities are rich. It’s all like sculpture and art - dealing with living systems that change over time. It’s so important to bring this stuff into the city, bridge connections between people of different generations and cultures, teach the kids that there’s more to life than concrete and hate and fear.

I watched you change....

2008-06-14T13:35:00.002-04:00

"Pop and Punk culture rolled over and died some time ago. Some people actually still think Marilyn Manson is scary (or makes sense), that the punk of today has anything to do rebellion, that is a good thing that you can buy McDonalds in Prague, that movies are somehow relevant to our lives..

Television is our stage and our anaesthetic. Real life happens on television in preference to our homes and streets. People resolve their relationships on freakshow chatshows, instead of in living rooms, or bed, or even bars.

And it breaks. Rupert Murdock beams his crap into Asia, kids are taught that Z is pronounced ZEE by stupid looking furry cartoon animals, and all of the sudden, world cultures become the monoculture, the same conversation, the same clothes, the same show.

And, all over the world, one by one, we quit fighting it. We sit and we put the book we're reading down and laugh at the people on reality TV, snigger at Britney Spears, get out news managed for us by CNN and Fox News, and suddently we're like all the rest. We're in cultural lockstep, taking holidays in other's people misery, asking for our stinking badges, dead heads nodding over phosphordot fixes."

Remember getting angry? Remember waking up in the morning and looking out at this plastic MTC soundtracked world we seem to have agree to exist in and getting pissed off?

Remember revolution? Remember that spark, that snarl, and scheme, and screaming the way we are suppose to? How about ranting and railing gains the dying of the light the way people should?

"I saw the best minds of my generation, destroyed by madness.."

Yah. New Post

2008-06-11T13:49:00.002-04:00

Sorry. I haven't updated.

It's summer, pretty much. We just have a 4 days heat wave of 100 degree weather. I was at the college library. The fans here would just blow the papers around.
Let's see. What has happened in the last few months?
WEll, the college kids left, leaving behind as usual, tons and tons of usable trash. This year, instead of allowing the people to forage as usual, the college has decided they were going to take the good items and auction them off and give the money to "charity". yeah. their pockets because we all know charity begins at home, right?
On Saturday (three nights ago), me and a few friends decided to cool off by jumping in the fountain by the library. It was late, it was hot, and there was water. We didn't break anything. We had fun. Even parents who were walking by commented on how they wish they could do such a thing, but like always there is always that one person who can't stand for someone to have any fun. He called the cops on us, but we were already about to leave at that point. The cop was a jerk with a Napolean complex.
what were we doing wrong? What, cooling off? Having fun? It was late at night. Sorry, not all of us can afford Air conditioning.

Let's see, what else. I've been living off of rice, cheapest food there is for me, but even that is raising in price. Rice and veggies, simple and easy. I dumpstered a rice cooker, so now I can have rice in the summer without my apartment being heated up.

Next post will be more helpful.

Just a little something

2008-03-19T15:40:00.001-04:00

I try to live simply. I try to eat food that I recognize. I try to wear simple clothes that i may modify. I try to do what I can, with what I can, right now. But for most, "I'm not doing my part".

Example. I own 3 pairs of jeans, all from the dumpster. But since they had a brand name on them, I was immediately chastised for it. "You can't wear those!" Okay. I got them from a DUMPSTER, meaning someone threw them out. They had already been paid for, worn, and discarded. So, rather than reuse it, throw it away because I have to spend over $100 on a pair of "insert whatever green business" jeans? Sorry. I rather reuse than buy. Shouldn't that be something that we all strive for?

Example. A package of Vegan cheese at my co-cop cost almost $5. With that same $5, I could buy 5 pounds of rice, or about 4 pounds of bulk beans (pick one), or 10 packs of pasta, or 5 bags of assorted frozen veggies, or 2 pounds of soybeans to make my own tofu, soy milk, or soy burgers (if I wanted to). I can even get some cheap organic greens on the right day for under $5. You get the point. There's a lot I can buy that is still vegan, healthy, and way cheaper than that over processed fake food. I can't really shop at my co-op because I can't afford to, the same as a lot of people. Healthy food should be for everyone.

I'm getting some money soon. You know what I'm actually going to be doing with it? Instead of wasting it away in bars, clubs, and things of the like, I'm going to be getting things that EVERYONE can use, not just those with money. I'm starting my own zine/radical library. I'm going to make stencils shirts for barter or give away, I'm going to get some tools to make free bike carts for people, repair bikes and whatever else is needed, maybe even get a box full of energy efficient lights and other things like that for whoever needs them. Who knows? The possibilities are endless. None of these things is going to profit for me. I DO NOT CARE. I have no qualms about spending whatever extra money I get for the cause.

I know a lot of people want humans gone, but we are still here. You can't just ignore us and expect us to know exactly what to do. You want them to help? Help them as well. You want people to stop driving so much? Help them with an alternative. You want people to go vegan (or whatever)? Show them how cheap it can be. Show them tasty recipes that can be in their budget. Do something. They ain't going to just pop on your doorstop.

Let's start liberating ourselves as well.

(Yeah, I suck at writing things like this)

Solar Cooker

2008-03-19T15:27:00.002-04:00

Lets make a solar cooker!!!!

I am using these plans

http://www.i4at.org/surv/solarbox.htm

So yeah!!
Needed Supplies:
Two cardboard boxes, one bigger than the other
extra cardboard for a lid (unless your box is hinged like mine)
Glue
Black paint
Aluminum foil
Reynolds Oven Cooking Bag or Glass if you can find it.

Since the instructions are on the page already. I will just show you the photos. If you need more instructions, let me know.

1)

I used a apple computer box (no I didn’t get a new computer). The smaller box is behind it.

2)

3)

4)

5)

6)

The square is cut from the lid.. really thin.

7)

8)

The bag is taped to the undersize. If you get the turkey sized one, you don’t have to open it. Just fold it in half and tape it up. It will create a air pocket.

9)

10)

11)

12)

Voila!

It’s late and I’ll edit it to make it more clear.

EDIT: I have to upload the photos again, but I can't do that until the place where I have my other photos stored can be fixed. If you need any help, let me know.

A quick post

2008-02-26T22:14:00.001-05:00

I love this. So much. It keeps my from wasting plastic utensils and hey, I'm ready to eat if need be.
Click the photo to make it larger.
Just something fun to make.

Let's talk about Clothes!

2008-02-25T10:11:00.000-05:00

I'll be the first to say it.

I am DEFINITELY not your girlie girl. I am definitely not into the blouses, or dainty skirts, or shoes. I own a pair of boots and a pair of sneakers and that's that. As for clothes, hmm, I have hmm three pairs of jeans. I have lots of shirts that I have stenciled myself, but they are shared. (Maybe not lots, but around 7-8 would be a good bet.)

Wait. If you only have three pairs of jeans, what do you do? How to you wash them if you have no washing machine or no money?

Well, pretty easily actually.

I don't go to laundromats, but if i were, I would probably wash a few people clothes along with mine, since I dont' own enough clothes to fill one up. But what I do is one of two things.
1)When I take a shower, or someone else, I keep a large bucket in the water. All that water that could get potentially wasted, you know the water you run when you are waiting for the water to heat up, that goes into the bucket, along with some biodegradable soap. You would be surprised at the amount of water wasted. I dump in the clothes and let it soak. Every hour or so, I use my hands or a clean plunger and moved the clothes around. I usually only let it soak for a few hours max. Then I wring out each piece of clothes, (usually dumping the water in the toilet for a bucket flush, or out onto the ground around trees). I rinse them, (reusing rinse water for cleaning since it's not dirty) and hang dry. Doesn't take too long.
2) Spot clean. I clean the most needed areas and any spots with some biodegradable soap and a scrubber. These dry quick.

I don't use a dryer because my clothes last much longer without one. I hang all my clothes, even in winter. You could always hang out clothes outside in the winter, they just freeze dry. Clothes hung inside a warm room make take only a day or so.

I wear my clothes until they fall apart. I patch holes with interesting patches and hold rips closed with safety pins (all the kids wonder where I buy my clothes, yeah BUY clothes with safety pins in them). If I need to sew, I usually sew by hand with dental floss, which is stronger than thread. Mmm dental floss. (get waxed kind).

I hope you enjoy!

Food (Part 2)

2008-02-25T02:41:00.001-05:00

This is SIX bags of organic oranges (and some ptotatos). Orange juice is excellent for cleaning out the body. I just got healthcare (blessings), but previously it had been years since I had it. So I practiced preventive health care because I couldn't afford to go to the doctor. One thing that I did was get in lots of produce and plenty of garlic.

People tell me all the time, "There is no way to eat healthy on so little money".
Okay. I can agree on many levels. But it does come down to preferences. If you use what little money you have to buy the best foods you can, you can eat healthy. Let's say you have hmm, $20 to eat for a few weeks (once I did this for over two months).
A 5 lb bag of brown rice here is $5. If you can get any dumpstered veggies, you can make a delicious, healthy stirfry for little (1 cups of uncooked rice makes three cups of cooked rice). It's probably not the healthiest, but sometimes at the $ store, they sell "olive" oil. Speaking of $ stores, i see that they are adding better options. Pasta, tomato sauce, canned veggies, ramen (I know), canned soups, garlic breads, mini meals, even fish (for non vegans). Lentils, pintos, soybeans, navy beans are all about $2 a pound at the natural food store near me. All healthy and you can turn the soybeans into OKARA, which can be used to make some awesome burgers and other things.

A favorite recipe of mine.
Pasta Mix
Makes several meals
1 box of angel hair pasta ($1)
TVP (textured vegetable protein)($2 a pound)
Dumpstered veggies (Free, if not, cheap sale veggies)
garlic, soy sauce, or whatever spices you have on hand.

Make pasta and set aside.
Take a half cup or less of TVP and pour some water (not too much) over it. You can add soy sauce and whatever spices you like. Let TVP soak up water.
In small pan, fry a bit of oil and garlic (garlic is good for you). after a minute or so, add the TVP and let it fry a bit. Now, if you want, you can add some chopped veggies at this point, or if you rather, you can boil or steam them. This shouldn't take long. If you choose to fry, only fry for a bit. You don't want to really cook the veggies too much.
Now dump all the veggie/tvp mix into the pasta and mix. You can eat as it, or add tomato sauce.
We used to eat this daily. A full pot gave us enough food for two meals a day for three days with cost us around 1.50 total.

Note: TVP can replace some meats in food. In fact, they used to use it in hamburger mixes to stretch the meat. There are two sides to the whole soy debate, so its up to you. I personally try to change it up every now and then.

TVP and Rice.
Pretty basic.
Make rice. Cook up some TVP with any veggies and add it to the rice. Mix and eat.
Non vegans can add meat instead of TVP. They sell tuna at the dollar store, or sales as cheap as .39 a can.

I also take Vitamins (5.99 marked down price, Enough for 3 months). I eat plenty of fruit and raw veggies. I got a high power blender out of the dumpster and have been making smoothies, even green smoothies (bananas, strawberries, and spinach with water). Good way to get greens.

On to the next topic. Gardening.
I don't have any land. So I know little about gardening in the soil. But I have experimented with growing in small pots. One things I like to grow is wheat grass. Wheat grass is absolutely awesome. It is highly nutritious and so easy to grow. It takes about ten to twelves day to grow into full sprout.

This is some wheatgrass I am growing in some recycled cereal containers. YAH!

I like to chew the wheat grass until white. It is GREAT for taking care of your teeth. Try it.
The natural food store here sells seedlings for &1 each. It's great for getting started. Even just having a few plants will be a great boost to your health and pocket, even in winter.

I'll probably add to this entry later.

(as you might as noticed, I seem to jump around a lot when I type)

First rule of Surviving - Food (Part 1)

2008-02-25T00:46:00.000-05:00

Everyone talks about Food.
It's how we share our emotions with a person. We reward with food, we take away food as a punishment, we show someone we love them with food, we use food to celebrate holidays, birthdays, special occasions.
In short, we seemed to be surround by food.

That may (and probably will be) our downfall.

I remember a commercial once. It showed a little blonde haired boy sitting at an empty table and he was saying grace. This part was in black and white. The next scene showed a large family get together. It was in color and everyone was cleaning the kitchen after a large meal. They had made so much food that the food couldn't fit in the fridge. It flashed back to the little boy and his grace. Then it flashed back to the family. One woman remarked to another how there was too much food in the fridge. The second woman told her to get rid of it. It then showed a close up of her dumping perfectly good food down the garbage disposal. Now, I don't watched TV now, but that image never left me because at that time, I was that little boy and the ideal of this woman throwing away food because it couldn't fit into the fridge bothered me to no end. Someone told me later that "People don't waste food like that"

That person was WRONG.

So on to the first level of free/cheap food.

Dumpster Diving, while becoming someone of a "cool" thing to do, is a reliable source of food. You probably already know all the facts, so I'll spare you. Lets instead go into the general "rules"
1) Always leave the dumpster cleaner than you found it. Don't trash it.
2)Don't be a hog. That always makes me angry to see the same people cleaning out a dumpster ( or even worse, seeing this same people drop $20 for a meal at a diner right after diving). SHARE. If you come across a dumpster bag full of bagels, share them.

3) Try to go with someone. It's safer, provides someone to keep an eye out, and also if for some chance the garbage truck comes.
4) DO NOT GO ITO COMPACTORS!!! Self explanatory.

Food. (Brief example)

Now, you can get healthy and non healthy food from a dumpster. Let's try to stick with healthy for the most part.
I have gotten lots of produce. Mmmm produce.
Oranges, strawberries, spinach, kale, coconuts, berries, celery, bananas, to name a few. I have also gotten whole grain breads, soymilk, bagels, those prepared vegan foods, even treats, and they were all organic and all from a dumpster.

So in summary, stay safe, be respectful, try to aim for the healthier places.
Food Part 2 coming soon.

The Beginning of something Else

2008-02-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

Doing things yourself.. just got a little easier.. perhaps fun.

I grew tired of readying DIY books and zines that had little to do with DIY. Sometimes I ever saw things that had absolutely nothing to do with helping someone out or cost even more cash that some people (like me for instance) could afford. They seemed to apply only to upper middle class and higher kids who had the extra cash, parents to rely on, or were simply bored and wanted to rebel. Most never took in consideration that *gasp* there were millions of people who needed more information on daily survival than just games. Or that *even bigger gasp* that some of these people even had families to support. The whole general ideal behind some of these zines were that 1) You didn't have children 2) That they lived in homes with a bunch of other people (an awesome ideal by the way) and 3) That you had no added responsibility.

Well, let's show that all these ideals can be applied to everyone (hopefully), especially to those whose every hour, not day, is survival.

But first, A little about me. Just so you know where I'm coming from.

I was born in South Jersey. My parents separated not long after my birth and my mother, me, and my older brother and older sister all made that trip to stay with Grandma. It was something that seems common among black families (yes, I'm a minority) in the early 80s. Fast forward to four years, when my younger half sister was born. My mom remarried two years later and we moved to an apartment. Life was NOT financially stable (that's a nice way of putting it). I can remember being told about not being able to afford Christmas. (that was many times). But I managed to have fun. I spent a ton of time outside and didn't think about buying new things. My first experience with dumpster diving came at this time. I'm a third generation dumpster diver. I was five and a neighbor had dumped tons of toys and clothes. It was the first time in my life that I had that many toys and clothes.
We were evicted from that apartment and moved back to my grandparents. (My grandparents were amazing people. My grandmother still is. They always gave me love and most likely the reason why I tend to always have an helping hand).
During this time, my parents moved to my other grandfathers home (with no indoor toilet). I lived with my grandparents during the week and my parents on the weekend (for school). There was no TV, no computer (I didn't own a computer until I was 21) or anything like that at my grandfather home, but I was constantly outside just as before. For about a year, we lived like that until we moved to a duplex. This was a very financially lean time. It was also the time I realized just how poor we were. Kids are cruel and I learned that quickly. They teased me for my old clothes and not having the up to date style and shoes. They tormented me for not having my hair styled in the cool ways. But I knew that we need that money for needs, not want and somehow I survived their cruelty. (besides, who pays THAT much for shoes???).
We left Jersey when I was about 13 and moved to Delaware. Kids were even crueler. We still lived in the ghetto neighbor hood, but kids here somehow had the latest, most expensive outfits and toys. This was probably the start of my severe self esteem drop and growing anger.
All this time, we rarely had any money. We ate from $ stores and cheap stores. We were still on welfare (maybe getting $80 for a family of 4. My older siblings had left home because they both had kids of their own).
By the time I graduated high school (and meeting my first boyfriend), I had realized, understood and tried to run away from what I was. I was ashamed of it, I admit it. I made a lot of stupid mistakes trying to be "Rich" to people who didn't really matter.
I married young, 19 years old (I'm still married to the same guy). I married an upper middle class white guy who had never had to deal with things like I had. But out first year was definitely on the lower end. I know it was hard for him to deal with. I learned to make creative $ store meals (as healthy as I could get). I tried to do all I could for him to adjust.

I realize this is getting long, so I'll sum it up.
We're still poor, compared to most people. But we're happy. I'm no longer ashamed. i am much stronger than most people in my situation. I have learned the word "enough" and "Content". I can make pretty healthy meals on the smallest amount of cash (even free!). He works, I don't. Why? Because well, we're doing okay. No. I'm not interested in "getting ahead". Sorry.

What I wish to do in this blog is give you as many ideas as possible so YOU can live more cheaply, or learn to live on less, or whatever have you. This is not about me, this is about us, the human race, working together for us all.
I hope you like it.